Tazriah Mitzorah Excerpts

תזריע מצורע

Shabbat Shalom

Another double Parsha...

You people tier me out. I could barely stay up today. Hearing about the double Torah portion, and then Bernie is going on for Mishebayrachs for his whole family, and their communities....Each by name...We are happy for you Bernie...The mishebeyrach took half an hour....

We talk about Tzara'as- an infliction...

(13:46) All the days that this infliction is upon him, he must 'sit alone, outside of the camp'...

Rashi- the difference between this Tumah and the other ones is that he must stay alone בדד, as he is different in that he spoke Lashon Hara (bad talk about other people)...

I know you are all crying about Tumah meaning impure. Can we move past your little holdups because there are laws in the Torah?...I am going to hear from Mrs. Goldsmith later...We know Mrs. Goldsmith. Now is not the time to let everybody know that you don't go to the Mikveh....

But yes, this person is separated. We have to separate the people who speak Lashon Hara. I am not going to get into our state's position on capital punishment...even if the politicians are deserving of death...You are not fit to being part of a community if you cannot talk right. How many times have we heard Bernie say, 'I speak English good'?.... 

If you cannot be trusted to bring good conversation. This congregation should not even be praying in a minyan. You should all be just praying by yourselves, so that you will become pure, and bring some normal conversation to the kiddush table...

Who in this congregation has spoken Lashon Hara recently? And does it feel better now that everybody knows that the Frankinstein child is being held back next year, because he also speaks English good.

The infliction of the Bernie's half hour Mishebeyrach, is a reason to separate Bernie...

In the camp, we cannot have the impure. All impure are separated from the camp. But even outside of the camp, we cannot have Lashon Hara. He sits alone. Even among the impure, he may not sit.

Which is why we ask that Dr. Goldsmith be separated from the congregation. Because every single person here is sick of being corrected and being told to say 'well'....Well it is annoying.

(13:52) Even the inflicted clothes get burned.

We should have a clothes burning in this shule...Most of the clothes being warn here are the cause for Lashon Hara...Yes. Your huge hat Mrs. Goldsmith, is impure....

***These are excerpts from the sermon. For the sermon in its entirety, come see David Kilimnick perform at the Off The Wall Comedy Basement, in downtown Jerusalem.
David also tours as a Maggid with very few stories, if you invite him.
Shabbat Shalom