VaYetzeh Excerpts

ויצא

Shabbat Shalom

It is decisions that affect our future. The fact that your children are in one of the worst grade schools in the counties athletic history says a lot about the future of the American Jewish Athlete. Ron- Your son did not even compete in the sit-n-reach...A doctor's note? For Sitting?!..Mistakes. Lazer was a mistake.

We all make mistakes when it comes to food.

(30:15) For the Dudaim plant, Rachel gives up a special night with Yakov...I myself have given up much activity for a decent choolante in my day... 

Kind of reminds us of Esav giving up the Birthright, and Bernie giving up any tradition that is important...And for this decision of food, Rachel does not give birth. It was a night of reward, and that reward did not go to Rachel. She had her Dudaim- her little aphrodisiac. But what good is that, when you are alone?..Does Shana have an answer? No. Because Shana has no children...Shana passed up every good man for her Dudaim. As if Dudaim help...And who is there? Always another woman. A less attractive woman, with no Dudaim. But a woman who is there, to give...Leah. We all have a Leah in our lives...Menachem doesn't. Menachem has nobody...Menachem was also not good at the sit-n-reach as a child...

Leah, gives birth to another son. Calls him after 'Reward,' as H' rewarded her maidservant with a child as well (30:18).

What we name our children affects them. Reward is a good name. Makes you feel like you don't have to work for much. Just like so many in this congregation...The Mizrachis named their child 'Atonement.' Being the annoyance he is, he should be one for you. One for this community...Still don't understand 'Juice Box.' Was that the first thing you saw after you gave birth, in the hospital?..There is a reason he is hanging out on street corners...drinking juice boxes.

Why did you name your child 'Won't shut up'?..I can't teach...

And how we act with our children affects them. Ron. Your child can't even compete on the debate team. You should have called him 'Lazy'...You can't debate on a sofa.

***These are excerpts from the sermon. For the sermon in its entirety, come see David Kilimnick perform at the Off The Wall Comedy Basement, in downtown Jerusalem.
David also tours as a Maggid around the world, with very few stories.

Shabbat Shalom