VaYishlach Excerpts

וישלח

Shabbat Shalom

(33:10-11) Yakov insists that Esav keep the gift. Even after Esav says he doesn't want it...Chanukah is coming up and our children do not like the holiday anymore, because your gifts stink. They smell. I even heard one kid received a goldfish. What kind of lesson you passing onto Shimi? Gifts fade? Your holiday dreams die along with your gifts?...Should have just given him a flower...knitted anything? Do you love your children? Purchase the new no walking thing. The stand on armless Segway...

(33:10-11) '...because H' has shown passion to me...' That is how Yakov sees his money. Then I declare: Have passion on your children. Get them something they will enjoy. Something that will make them love you...Cheap. The Goldfishers are always complaining, '$20,000 for education is too much...' Is education a gift? Do I need to answer this?...

How many times have I been to dinner with the Michelsons, where I said, 'I have the check,' and they insisted I pay...This is after you invited us out. The question for you is the same question Esav asks Yakov (33:8) 'Who is to you...?' What is to you this dinner you invited me to? Free... 

Who is to you? A child who hasn't enjoyed a Chanukah in 12 years, because you love this secret Santa dollar store idea. It brings families together when the children also get to buy gifts...It pulls them apart. Just like the knitted socks...

(33:13) Esav wants to travel with Yakov, but Yakov insists that it is going to take him a long time, with the kids and the weak cattle...Ever have those guests that just don't leave? You tell them you are going to sleep, and they do not leave.Any hint you give them, they do not go....Esav was saying he will leave. We can learn something from Esav. The Michelsons can learn a lot from that. It is time you left the Goldfisher's home, and purchased one of your own, so that they can start to invest in a decent gift for Carly.

But why does Yakov not want to be hanging out with his brother? Spending more time with him? The same reason you are getting those dollar store gifts. Because he is shocked, just like your parents. Why am I not getting any gifts...Shimi and Carly. Don't just be takers. Maybe help pay for your tuition and you might get the On Wheels Barbie House...

Next week will touch on how you cannot trust women, as we learn from Dina (38:13-18).

***These are excerpts from the sermon. For the sermon in its entirety, come see David Kilimnick perform at the Off The Wall Comedy Basement, in downtown Jerusalem.
David also tours as a Maggid around the world, with very few stories.

Shabbat Shalom