Beha'alotcha Excerpts
בהעלותך
Shabbat Shalom
They complain. Right away. Like everybody in this congregation. 'Shabbat Shalom' and let's complain to the rabbi...They complain about what? About free food. Who complains about free food? You take what you get. In Yeshiva, we got puree. Did we complain? No. And there were 15 rabbis around.
(11:4) They had a craving. Kind of like when Michael started eating beef-jerky in the middle of the cantor's repetition of the silent prayer. It was disgusting, as we all saw him pull out the toothpick...But he had a craving. And we all understood. When you need beef-jerky, you go for it. But the Jews couldn't. They did not have dried up meat. They had a dried up seed.
And they said, 'Who is going to feed us meat?' That is all they wanted to know. They didn't ask when shul is going to be over. They didn't ask why they had to walk to Minyan during the week, because the shul needed to fill up a spot. They didn't ask why there is no candy today. They didn't ask why the Finkel family dresses like such schlubs.
And H' gets mad. Why? Because they look back to Egypt. Again, they question freedom. They want to stay in Topeka.
(11:5-7) They remembered the free food in Egypt. Free food can do that to you. How many of us have found ourselves in a church on a Sunday morning, because of free food. Raise your hands...Even eating non-kosher, just because it is free. You disgusting people.
Was it free in Egypt? Or were they slaves. Slavery does not make your food free. You are not free as slaves. Nothing is free when you are slaves. Right now, we are all paying for the Chazin's hour and fifteen minute Shacharis...But you complain. And you complain about the wrong things. You would rather be slaves, then free men...
Vegetarian dinner. That will make anybody a heretic. Everybody talks about the tests of the Jews in the desert, and how they failed. The number one test was Manna, the food from heaven, which tasted like coriander seed...Could you imagine eating chickpeas all day? It is like eating at the Schwarzinger family every day of your life, and not being able to go back home to eat some decent food, after Shabbis lunch...You should tell people that you are vegetarians before you invite them. It isn't proper to have guests and then surprise them like that.
Vegetarian dinner is a reason to complain, but not to want to go back to Egypt.
(11:16-17) Moshe can't handle it So H' tells him to put together a Sanhedrin. 70 elders who can be depended upon.
We put together a board and nobody has any prophecy. Messed up decisions. You don't make my job easier. We are now going to be putting together a board of people who can be depended upon...We will be bringing in new people from New York City. They will be the new board...They are going to all be elders. We are starting a new Beis Emes Sefilah retirement village for people who do not complain about food. Puree will now be served at every Kiddish.
That is what happens when you complain. You get more teachers. You get more people telling you what to do. Which is why we may be getting an assistant rabbi...To deal with your complaints, Bernie.
(11:18-20) Because they cried, H' is going to give them meat until it is coming out of their 'noses.'
Like an Atkins diet. Great for the first day or so. But a month later, you want to put the weight back on...They then get quail. Who wants to eat quail? Not even chicken. That is the punishment. And for this reason, we are punishing the congregation today with an all meat kiddish cooked by the Schwarzinger family. PETA is sponsoring the kiddish, as they said, 'Nobody will ever want to eat meat anymore.' We will also make sure that all of you complainers from last week eat through your noses.
(11:24-29) Moshe needed new prophets and he appointed them. We need new members, and we will be shipping them in from New York...
We have what would seem to be rebels again. They prophecies. Yehoshua says to incarcerate them, but Moshe doesn't, as 'the entire nation could be prophets if H' were to place his spirit on them.' Everybody in this shul could be a prophet. It doesn't take a genius to realize that dinner at the Schwarzinger's is the best way to kill a decent Shabbat lunch.
Moshe doesn't see himself as better, and he is not threatened. The same way I was not threatened when Frank and Fran told me that the Chazin is going to take a really long time to lead the prayers, and everybody in this congregation will want to go back to Egypt....
No more complaining...Because you only complain when you are threatened. Nobody is taking your seat, Bernie. The thing is full of your sweat.
The sisterhood is threatened by the Kiddish last week. It was good. We all know that Margerie knows how to cook very well. Why can't she be a decent cook too? So she didn't use the sisterhood to cook for her son's BAr Mitzvah. Does not all of Israel know how to make a decent kugel?
The sisterhood is threatened by the Kiddish last week. It was good. We all know that Margerie knows how to cook very well. Why can't she be a decent cook too? So she didn't use the sisterhood to cook for her son's BAr Mitzvah. Does not all of Israel know how to make a decent kugel?