VaEtchanan Excerpts

ואתחנן
Shabbat Shalom

Will the Bat Mitzvah girl please come up here...Fire me, Frank. So there is a woman on the men's side...It is a speech Frank. You talk in the back all the time. That is against the rules...

Yes. The Shema. Do you remember it? The Bat Mitzvah girl couldn't quote it. In her own speech, she is telling Israel stuff that makes no sense. No 'Hear oh Israel, H' is our Gd, H' is one.' She is telling people that we have to be nice to people. What kind of commandment is that? The Lord said to be nice???? 'Be kind' would maybe be a commandment. 'Love your neighbors as yourself.' Give a source...A beautiful speech, but your connection of the Shema and taking cash only, as a gifts, was hard to make out.

(6:10-14) H' gives you all the good in Israel and He expects you to to not go after other gods. That is it.
He makes it easy for you and you want to start playing games. This congregation wants to start another Bingo night. What about a learning night? People don't pay to learn. But they do pay to play...Our Bat Mitzvah, Shoshi, if you want to make money, you go to Bingo. Don't go after it though. You go after Mitzvot.

(6:15) H' is a jealous Gd...'lest the wrath of H,' your Gd, will be in your midst and He will destroy you...'
Jealousy is wrong? It is forbidden. H' is allowed to break His own rules. He gets to do whatever He wants. Just like your dad, who doesn't show to Minyin...
Yes, jealousy is wrong. Because it causes you to want, to hate. If it causes you to punish, then OK. 
When there is wrath because Bryan has Twizzlers, that is wrong. You are a good girl Shoshi. But Kayla has nicer jewelry...

(6:18) 'Do what is straight and good in H's eyes.' Not what is good in your eyes. That would be messed up. People would be making up commandments to give only gifts of quadruple Chai or more. Nothing less than 18 times four. You would say that all forms of Chai must be followed with a '0.' Nothing less than 180 dollar gifts. But what is good in H's eyes is keeping the Mitzvot. You can depend on those. You can't depend on anything decent from this congregation. Never going to get a decent gift from the Schwarzman family...But they are good at finding sales. 
The problem in this congregation is that people do what they think is right. Do you see the architectural design of this building? That is not right in H's eyes. 

When you go to the land, good happens and enemies are destroyed. When you heed the Shema and Hear that 'H' is One.' That is when you understand what is good and right. 'His name is One'

(6:20-25) When your children ask you, 'What are these laws?'
(6: 24-25) H' gave us these Mitzvot. That is a good enough reason to keep them and love them...But she wants gifts. She wants jewelry or money. What about a Mitzvah? What about being Bat Mitzvahed? That is H's gift to you. To us. And that is my gift to you as well. It is not physical. It is the gift of Torah...That is not cheap Bernie...Yes, my gift costs nothing. But not one person in this congregation has stepped forth and said to give the rabbi a raise.
'H' commanded us to do all of these decrees to fear H' our Gd...' To fear H' is OK. You can't fear people. People can't be jealous...
The laws are not about wealth. If they were, then Kayla would be more devout. But she wears huge loop earrings.

This is what we tell our children. Coerce them with religion, if coercion means telling them something is good and they won't be destroyed for keeping the commandments.
If they do not hear this, we do not have our land and we are destroyed.

(6:21-23) Tell them about Egypt and the great miracles. The signs He let us out with.
We will ask, what are the signs it Topeka. A bad gift that somebody found on sale at the Christmas Tree Shop...
The signs are the gifts you gave the Bat Mitzvah. A week pass to FunHouse mini golf. Her parents aren't driving her everyday. Your gifts are the worst. Couldn't even give her arcade money...I know that is too expensive Bernie.
What about the gift of Torah? The gift of the Shema. The gifts that cost nothing. And pay your dues.

***These are excerpts from the sermon. For the sermon in its entirety, come see David Kilimnick perform at the Off The Wall Comedy Basement, in downtown Jerusalem. David also tours as a Maggid around the world, with very few stories.
Shabbat Shalom

Comments

Popular Posts