Nitzavim VaYelech excerpts
נצבים וילך
Shabbat Shalom
We are just going to stick with Nitzavim, as it would have been nice to only have read Nitzvim. And we would have been out of shule already if we didn't also have to read VaYelech. We probably would have been out of shule if the Bar Mitzvah boy would have practiced. Maybe, not making so many mistakes with our Torah. Maybe if he would have understood a word he said....'ספות הרוה'...Not the point. Not everybody has to know every word...
(30:11) Because this Mitzvhah that I command you this day is not hidden (Nifleytah) from you and it is not far.'
Again, the word 'This Day'...I am translating here...
'Nifleytah'- from the word 'extraordinary.' Sorts of miracles. Rashi- not hidden from you.
We think miracles are hidden from us. We think anything that is entertaining or meaningful is hidden from our lives. The fact that Ben came to shule today, and nobody in his family died, is a miracle...Ben, Yom Kippur is in two weeks....Miracles. Not hidden from us. The fact that the sisterhood made a decent kiddush a couple of weeks ago. A miracle. Hired a caterer and walla. It tasted extraordinary.
What Mitzvah? What Mitzvot are not hidden from us.
You make such a big deal. It is so hard to keep the Torah.
You show up to the gym for three hours a day. You sweat. You can't walk to shule. It is an anomaly that these religious Jews can walk an a mile....It is an anomaly that you take your car to the gym and are so out of shape, Michael. And Katheren. walk to the shule. Want to aerobicasize, then grapevine the walk. Grab the fruits as you are walking. Walking is a mitzvah, not hard. Not extraordinary. Running on a treadmill, while watching Dr. Phil every day is hidden from me.
Shopping at Marshall's and having to take a number for how many clothes I took. An anomaly. There are no windows in the dressing room. I have tried. There are no escapes. Dressing in a respectful way when praying. That makes sense. This day it makes sense, Fran...Are there any men with a low cut shirt on today, Fran? You are 90...
That dress wasn't out of your budget...I didn't mean to bring my wife into this...Our budget....
Two Parshas is too much. The Mitzvahs are not.
This Sermon would have been finished by now if it was just Nitzavim.
(30:14) 'Because this thing is close to you, in your mouths, in your hearts to do.'
Yes, the Torah is right there. It is easy. If it is in your heart and your mouth, it is your life.
Rashi- 'The written and oral law.' They are close to you and in your mouths.
Maybe if you would learn every once in a while, it wouldn't be a total to shock to know that you cannot drive on Shabbat...It is hidden from you, yes Ben, because you never take time to learn about your tradition...
Do you even know what the Oral law is?
Yes, the Oral Torah is hard to understand. We are not asking you to learn Aramaic...
(30:8-10) When we return to H', all fruit is good. Children are good. Rejoicing happens.
Have you tasted the fruit in this town? The taste is hidden.
When we hide the Mitzvot from ourselves, we cannot taste H's beauty.
I have not rejoiced once in this congregation...
I pray, that as we start the New Year, we are able to bring the Torah closer to our hearts and mouths, so that I do not have to hear anymore of Max's stock tips at breakfast. So that, as one congregation, we can rejoice at the fact that Ben finally came to shule, not on Yom Kippur. Living up to his New Year's resolution of last year.
***These are excerpts from the sermon. For the sermon in its entirety, come see David Kilimnick perform at the Off The Wall Comedy Basement, in downtown Jerusalem.
David also tours as a Maggid with very few stories, if you invite him.
Shabbat
Shabbat Shalom
We are just going to stick with Nitzavim, as it would have been nice to only have read Nitzvim. And we would have been out of shule already if we didn't also have to read VaYelech. We probably would have been out of shule if the Bar Mitzvah boy would have practiced. Maybe, not making so many mistakes with our Torah. Maybe if he would have understood a word he said....'ספות הרוה'...Not the point. Not everybody has to know every word...
(30:11) Because this Mitzvhah that I command you this day is not hidden (Nifleytah) from you and it is not far.'
Again, the word 'This Day'...I am translating here...
'Nifleytah'- from the word 'extraordinary.' Sorts of miracles. Rashi- not hidden from you.
We think miracles are hidden from us. We think anything that is entertaining or meaningful is hidden from our lives. The fact that Ben came to shule today, and nobody in his family died, is a miracle...Ben, Yom Kippur is in two weeks....Miracles. Not hidden from us. The fact that the sisterhood made a decent kiddush a couple of weeks ago. A miracle. Hired a caterer and walla. It tasted extraordinary.
What Mitzvah? What Mitzvot are not hidden from us.
You make such a big deal. It is so hard to keep the Torah.
You show up to the gym for three hours a day. You sweat. You can't walk to shule. It is an anomaly that these religious Jews can walk an a mile....It is an anomaly that you take your car to the gym and are so out of shape, Michael. And Katheren. walk to the shule. Want to aerobicasize, then grapevine the walk. Grab the fruits as you are walking. Walking is a mitzvah, not hard. Not extraordinary. Running on a treadmill, while watching Dr. Phil every day is hidden from me.
Shopping at Marshall's and having to take a number for how many clothes I took. An anomaly. There are no windows in the dressing room. I have tried. There are no escapes. Dressing in a respectful way when praying. That makes sense. This day it makes sense, Fran...Are there any men with a low cut shirt on today, Fran? You are 90...
That dress wasn't out of your budget...I didn't mean to bring my wife into this...Our budget....
Two Parshas is too much. The Mitzvahs are not.
This Sermon would have been finished by now if it was just Nitzavim.
(30:14) 'Because this thing is close to you, in your mouths, in your hearts to do.'
Yes, the Torah is right there. It is easy. If it is in your heart and your mouth, it is your life.
Rashi- 'The written and oral law.' They are close to you and in your mouths.
Maybe if you would learn every once in a while, it wouldn't be a total to shock to know that you cannot drive on Shabbat...It is hidden from you, yes Ben, because you never take time to learn about your tradition...
Do you even know what the Oral law is?
Yes, the Oral Torah is hard to understand. We are not asking you to learn Aramaic...
(30:8-10) When we return to H', all fruit is good. Children are good. Rejoicing happens.
Have you tasted the fruit in this town? The taste is hidden.
When we hide the Mitzvot from ourselves, we cannot taste H's beauty.
I have not rejoiced once in this congregation...
I pray, that as we start the New Year, we are able to bring the Torah closer to our hearts and mouths, so that I do not have to hear anymore of Max's stock tips at breakfast. So that, as one congregation, we can rejoice at the fact that Ben finally came to shule, not on Yom Kippur. Living up to his New Year's resolution of last year.
***These are excerpts from the sermon. For the sermon in its entirety, come see David Kilimnick perform at the Off The Wall Comedy Basement, in downtown Jerusalem.
David also tours as a Maggid with very few stories, if you invite him.
Shabbat
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