Toldot Excerpts

תולדות

Shabbat Shalom

 

(26:30) After a little argument about why the Pelishtim hated him, Yitzchak hosts Avimelech and Pichol (his military leader) for a nice drink and dinner. 

I can tell you why people are hated in this congregation…Bernie, can you please stop coughing. You have been coughing since October. It is as if there is spoonful of honey stuck in your mouth and you can’t get it out…every time you cough, there is a huge spoonful of chach…

With that out of the way, at least Yitzchak didn’t know why he was hated. Does everything in this community have to begin with a fight? Do we always have to drink here?

That is how you make peace with people. You drink and eat with them. I can't drink with anybody in this congregation. Nobody can hold their liquor. And yet, nobody goes out of their way to cook…I get hungry. Not even soup…

You don’t drink hot coco.

How can we have peace when I don't enjoy your company? A question that will remain.

 

Now we look into more hatred, caused by bad lentil soup.

Rivka overhears Yitzchak tell Esav to go out and bring him some decent dinner so that he will bless him with the firstborn blessing. Rivka doesn't want this and schemes with Yakov, as she wants him to be blessed with the firstborn's blessing. She helps him cook…Ever since then, Jewish men have never helped out in the kitchen…At least not in the community, Bernie…

This causes fights in the home Frank…Well your wife complains to me. Maybe you should sit with her every once in a while, for dinner. Family dinners should be brought back to this congregation…Community dinners are killing me. No peace has ever come from time with you…

Drinking with your buddies will not do it Frank.

 

Going behind the back of the one giving the blessings?! Sound like something in this congregation? How your rabbi can't have a conversation without it getting back to the sisterhood…

 

(27:11-12) Yakov tells his mother that Esav is hairy. And he is shinier. Yakov was a swimmer…

And yet another oversite. Again, a plan for success, just like the Kaplans who thought that Michael would be a great athlete. Not thinking that you don’t make money as a swimmer.

 

Yakov is worried, as he doesn't want the blessing to turn into a curse. 

(27:13) Yakov goes along with it, as Rivka says, 'Do it for me.' The guilt. The guilt heard oh so often from a Jewish mother. The guilt not felt by Bernie when he interrupts are davening with a huge glob of spit chached into his handkerchief.

Rivka helps prepare Yakov as they throw some goat skin on his hands. Goat skin is not good for swimming.

 

(27:22-23) Yitzchak says, 'The voice is that of Yakov, but the hands are those of Esav.' Apparently Esav felt like a goat.

The voice was different. They didn't work that part out…Nor did Ben work on any good excuse when he missed the first two classes of Hebrew school last week…

We see that the touch is what Yitzchak trusts. It is more important than the voice…Yitzchak couldn’t see at this point. It is the feel though that makes him realize who his son is. This congregation has not hugged in years. It is time. I want everybody to take their neighbor and give a squeeze…Nobody touch Bernie.

 

(27:27) As he gives the blessing, Yitzchak continues to praise Esav with 'The smell of the fields.' Going out, as opposed to staying in, like Yakov, gets praised…The men in this congregation are all about going out to the fields. It is time you hear your wives. Embrace your children. Share a decent pot of soup.

You all praise falsely. Like idiots, you get pride from your child in little league…Frank, your son is never going to make it to the pros. It is embarrassing. Tailgating peewee baseball is wrong…  

 

And then Esav wants to kill Yakov. Again, a fight. This is a fight that could happen over dinner. Family hatred is the only kind that you cannot mend with a simple drink and food…How many fights happen because the eldest never wants to clean the dishes?

When will the day come that we can drink with Esav? The day that we can invite Esav for a meal, and not have to worry about Bishul Akum.

I can’t even eat in anybody’s home in this community. The whole community doesn’t cook. The whole community holds a grudge. Why? Because your rabbi is praised by the greater community, and it bothers you. I receive the blessings that you think this congregation should receive…Why don’t you go out of your way and make it a blessing? Maybe bake a nice kugel for the animal shelter. Your rabbi does.

The children don’t get along because the sisterhood schemes.

 

Even so, Yakov gets the blessing. Even when a blessing is messed up, it is still a blessing. Same with this congregation. Even when you don't know how to drink, it is still drinking.

We all try, and the sisterhood schemes…

They hurt any chance we have of eating and drinking with our community. And then they hire a lush to work as the Kiddush bartender…We should pay the guy so he can’t do a LChaim with each member of the congregation.

He can’t even tell who the different members are that he is LChaiming with and he can see.