VaYigash Excerpts

ויגש

Shabbat Shalom 

The circle at every Aliyah is annoying. We cannot start a dance every time somebody says 'mazel tov.' The circles are also very unorganized. One guy is doing the kick, another one is doing the two step...Less circle dancing...We are going to start dancing in a squares. If we have to bring traffic cones, we will. The Bima is a square, it is more economical....

(46:29) Yosef sees his father and stops whatever he is doing. He 'harnessed his chariot and went up to meet Yisrael, his father...he fell on his neck and cried on his neck...' That is how you greet somebody. You don't greet them with a circle dance...These kids don't even get out of their seat. They sit and expect you to come to them. Forget about getting out of Max's chair, they didn't even get up to say 'gut Shabbis.' No respect.

No honoring the parents, no honoring the elders. You see your uncle and aunt, you jump up. You at least stand. This generation of entitlement...You are not entitled to a 'hello' from your aunt. Especially if you don't stand for Max, and get out of his seat...You are entitled to say 'thank you' and show some appreciation. You are entitled to pay your dues. You are entitled to get up, run over to your parents and cry, thanking them for giving you life...They paid for that candy, Michael.

(46:30) Yakov (Yisrael) now feels he can die, that he knows Yosef is alive. Sometimes, you just need to know that you are leaving this world with good. That your family is good. That your shul is good. I cannot leave until we are able to square dance around the Bima...No. Coed square dancing is different, Bernie. 

A story of a young woman who Forgot to write down the address before Shabbat. She was wandering. She couldn't find the home. She asked all in the neighborhood, 'Who knows the Kleinholtz family?' She used her hands to show the height of the family. Described their skin tone. Nobody could help. She is here in the back. We understand you got lost. We've all been there...Let Samantha eat first at Kiddush. A wandering Jew. We bless you Samantha, with the foresight to write down the address before Shabbis....It was the wrong side of the city.

They want to stay in Goshen and Yosef tells his brothers to tell Paroh that they are cattlemen, as those are more useless to Paroh. Kind of like how everybody in this congregation can't read Hebrew well. How nobody here can harmonize, and everybody works in shoe sales. Nothing useful for the shul...

(47:2) Yosef takes 5 of the weakest of his brothers to Paroh, because he didn't want them to have to serve. Kind of like why all of you parents in this congregation serve your children junk food...

Takes the incapable brothers who can't dance in a square. We are bringing the cones next week. 

(47:3) They tell Paroh they are shepherds and then go off on how they came because there was no grazing in Israel (Canaan). Why they can't listen to Yosef's orders of cattle? Kind of like this congregation...(47 :6) Paroh puts in a note for Yosef that if any of his brother are good with livestock, to put them in charge of his livestock. Of course, like this congregation, for some reason, nobody steps forward with anything useful for the community. Does nobody here know how to teach Bima square dancing? Not even the ability to help a wandering Jew, who forgot to write down an address. Does nobody know where the Kleinholtz family lives?

Something useful. A Shabbat Waze.

(47:7-10) Yosef introduces his father to Paroh and Yakov  blesses Paroh...You bless people, you don't curse them Bernie.

Upon the question, of how old he is, Yakov responds that his 130 years are 'few and bad...and they have not reached the years of my fathers.' He complains, just like every time you ask Bernie how he is feeling....

Samantha should still be complaining that she walked all the way to the other side of town, without knowing the address...They gave her the wrong Kleinholtz family. She is not going to be dancing today.