Shoftim Excerpts

שופטים

Shabbat Shalom

(19:21) Eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth...

We must start exacting punishment here in this congregation. People who wack people with their Tallis, we take a string and whack them in the eye. And then, we stick the tassels in their ear...

Even if it means money. We must exact punishment on people who do not give a decent Kiddush....

(19:20) Because then other people will see and hear and this evil will not exist anymore.

You let people go without punishment and they show up late to class. The Sunday School has had late attendance because there has been no exacting of punishment. They used to take a ruler...I am suggesting that they show up late and they have to teach a class where delusional, ignorant come in to the middle of the lesson and make fart jokes...

(19:16-20) We are talking about false witnesses that seek to do bad to others.

How many stories in this congregation? Why does everybody want to put down Shirley, because she has been exercising? She is finally in shape and you are all putting her down. Creating stories of her. Shirley, you wear clothes that fit and we will exact punishment on Karen and make her wear your clothes, so that she will feel heavy...

Are they true? All the stories are true. Michael did not deserve a scholarship. He did always show up late to Hebrew school...He is going to show up late to his job, because there is no exacting of any punishment in this world we live in.

(19:19) You do to that witness what he conspired to do to his peer...Again, an eye for an eye...My child lost her tooth yesterday. And the question is, 'What did she do wrong in school to deserve the divine retribution?'

What do your teeth look like? What does your arm look like? We have to ask ourselves these questions if we are going to exact punishment.

Now, we are starting a new give charity or we break your arm campaign. This will help with exacting punishment, and it will add money to our Kiddush fund.

There are issues. (19:14) Don't take over your friend's boundaries.

The lawnmower keeps on coming over into our grass, a little more each week. Like the plastic seat section, people keep on stealing a bit more space from their friends each time they move the chair a little more into their foot space; backing up the chair with their legs. They deserve a foot for a foot. Do we exact punishment on our neighbor and take over the bushel area of his porch?

(20:5-9) Certain people don't go to war. For reasons of inaugurating a house, planting a vineyard...You make things happen. Other people don't go to war, because they should first marry their bride.

Certain don't go to war, because they are weak of heart.

This whole congregation would have an excuse not to go to war. 'I am tired.' 'I have to pay for college.' 'My boss won't give me extra days off. I've used up all of my sick days.' This congregation wouldn't go to war, because you are all weak. You are not willing to exact punishment on Menachem, for his 15 minute Mishebeyrach the other day. We sat and listened to every name of every ancestor...And we didn't even exact monetary punishment of forcing him into giving a large donation...What good is the Gabai?

You fear.

(19:4) You shouldn't fear because 'H' goes with you. To fight for you, with your enemies, to save you.'

Menachem is an enemy of the shul. Karen is an enemy of any woman who looks decent...

You fear and it is a slap in the face. I have your back and for that reason we are now going to exact punishment on Michael for never being on time to class...

I hope this is all legal.