VaYetzeh Excerpts

ויצא

Shabbat Shalom

In the fulfillment of different parents in this congregation, I feel it is important to let everybody know that there is good reason to hover over your children and to follow their each and every move...Yes. This is connected to the Frankelman family fiasco last week.

Last week we read about Rivkah, the helicopter mom, which doesn't exist here. She watched over her children and manipulated the results of who got the blessing. The fact that half of your children intermarry shows that you are not on top of your children's lives enough. You let your children go to college. You know where their dorms are. What mothers in this congregation show up to the dorms on a regular basis?....Exactly. You are not on top of your children.

Lavan is an attachment grandfather. Similar to the Goldbaums, he must have carryed his grandchildren on his stomach till they were 8...

Lavan calls his grandchildren (31:43) My children...My children, my flock

An attachment herder. He didn't even herd. It was Yakov who herded. He just took credit. And that is what Mr. Goldbaum does....Let your daughter parent. You messed up with her, but she is doing fine with your grandchildren. I saw her sitting in class with Milka. That is how you parent. Do not let them out of your site. Even when they are at school. You can't trust these kids nowadays.

His daughters are well into their years...I don't know their exact ages Frank. OK...But was he an attachment, or selfish. He saw the world through his own mind. That is how you see it when it is for yourself. You see it as though you did it. As though you raised your grandchildren. Mr. Goldbaum, you did nothing for your grandchildren. Accept that your daughter was raised right and let her do her job...So you messed up. That doesn't mean that we need you competing at the children service's quiz...

He expresses this, but they finally make a pact, and Yakov goes on his way, with his michpuchi.

Yakov has to run out of the house. He has to run away from his father-in-law. Which is why our congregation has no second generation locals. They run as soon as they can...Your gifts are also not appreciated when you visit your grand-kids...I know.

Lavan chases them down and catches them at Mount Gilad.

He complains that Yakov stole his heart and his children. He says (31:28) 'I couldn't kiss them...' That is all a grandparent should do. Kiss your kids and grandchildren and keep your mouths shut. We see the problems in the Goldbaum family...

The husband, Yakov tells Lavan that he left without saying anything, because (31:31) 'you would've probably stole your daughters from me.' 

Once they get married, you can let them run their lives....Because all you do is ruin it. You can't kidnap your daughters, Bernie.

You do attach and helicopter until marriage. Then you let them do their thing. Or you get a community, like ours, with no young couples....Because they run away from you. You cannot steal a child just because you don't like your daughter's choice in marriage...we know he is messed up.

At what point does somebody let their son-in-law run the house? In the case of the Finkelmans, never. That is how they ended up back in our community. That is the only case of helicopter grand-parenting that should've been done.

Let your children go, is the theme of this Parsha.

Let them answer the question at the quiz. 

He then blames these 'children' for stealing from him. Do children not always steal from their parents? Whose children here have ever repaid them for sending them to Jewish school? Meals? Trips? The wedding? A bunch of takers...Thieves.

Lavan looks for his stolen Terafim and Rivkah hides them. The cunning couple of Yakov and Rachel is a good thing here. At this point, after 20 years, Yakov finally tells him off. (31:36-42) 'I worked hard for you, burning during the day and freezing at night. 20 years, and you changed my wages, constantly. Gd, who told you not to mess with me last night, saw how bad I had it, my wretchedness and He rebuked you last night.' Go Yakov!!! Father-in-laws should be told off. They are annoying. They get in the way. They think they run the house. Which is why we are starting a Father-in-law defense program at the shul...You will learn how to choke out your father-in-law too, so that he will not judge you at the table. Excellent question Menachem...

Lavan was called out. After 20 years, it was Lavan throwing his stuff all over, looking for the little Terafim idol thing that got Yakov to finally lash out at him.

The selfishness of his wanting to kiss the family. It was all selfish. All about him. Just like the Goldbaum family.

You let the guy run his house. You trust that they will helicopter. Helicopter your in-laws. Make sure they don't get in the way of your parenting...Yes. Stealth bombing your in-laws is a better way to son-in-law...

We need helicopter moms, attachment moms. Not attachment dads

The incident at the youth group last week was too much...The rules are you can't answer a question in the quiz, unless you bang first. 

The sports dad at the children's service almost started a fight, because the table bang was too quick with the quiz. We don't need sports dads cursing out our youth director, because their child has a slow bang. We need Jewish dads who get competitive when it comes to making sure their children marry doctors...We can us sports moms.

A sports mom shows support. The dad gets in the way.

The shul quiz...your daughter was doing OK for a 5 year old. You can't win it for her. You can't bang when you have the answer about who was Abraham's grandchild...

The Frankelmans can use an attachment friend, who doesn't them parent. They are incapable. And for that reason, we have started a community parent watch, where we will airplane community all families...We will use a drone.