Rambam Yomi: Teshuva 1-10

Teshuva (1)

I have no idea what the difference between atonement and repentance is. Nonetheless, I spend a good month and a half thinking about them both every year. From what I am seeing right now- Teshuva, repentance, is a person returning to their essence. The idea is to basically forget everything you ever learned, because that messed you up. Kapara/Atonement? I guess that is once you have done Teshuva. That sounds good. I will still use them interchangeably. But I would think that atonement is something that is done unto you, a reward so to say; whereas you do Teshuva (repentance, you apikores who still thinks that you are right for not be atoned for). Man, that is some good Jewish thought right there. It is probably their definitions in the dictionary. You can use it. No worries.

1:1- The big law is to do Viduy (confession) Bamidbar 5:6-7. 

Confession is saying 3 or 4 things, depending on how you read it ‘I sinned…did this and this’ ‘I regret and am embarrassed.’ ‘I will never do it again.’ You have to say that you are embarrassed for doing stuff you had a good time doing. You have to say that anything you enjoyed doing, you will never do it again. You have to lie. But you have to live by that lie and never do it again. Otherwise you have to do repentance again, and say you will never do it again. If you don’t feel guilty and are not full of regret at this point, then you are probably a sinner who is going to have a hard time finding a spot in the world to come.

Even offerings and death penalties don’t work for atonement, until you have done Viduy. You have to know how much you have messed up in order to benefit from the dead animal. 

1:2- The goat sent to be killed is for the whole community, so the Kohen Gadol has to repent for everybody. But the community is too big and there are too many messed up people that the Kohen Gadol can’t figure out all the messed up stuff. Thus, an individual has to do repentance in order to be forgiven for their big sins. Big sins have execution or karet. A false oath is also included. Other big sins generally have to do with killing people and random crazy stuff you did when you were intoxicated. Yeah. Farbragens always start out with good intention. Getting drunk to connect with H,’ is a great way to forget the bad times. Starts off with a bunch of Teshuva drinking. Tikun being the idea, where you make something good from something bad, like the last time you got drunk, you fool. But then you the Farbragen takes over and you the Kohen Gadol cannot do repentance for your stupidities. ‘But I was drunk.’ You still have to give back the money you stole. And you should also clean the floor.

1:3- Teshuva is the only way for atonement, as we do not have sacrifices nowadays. So you shouldn’t just kill random animals and call it a day. That won’t atone for killing other people.

1:4- Levels of sins- Some need just Teshuva. Some are forgiven with Yom Kippur and Teshuva. Some need suffering, Yom Kippur and Teshuva. Some need those three and death- that would be a sin where you profane Gd’s name. And some just need to learn Hebrew. 

L: Disrespecting H’ is the worst. Just walking around looking like an idiot is going to be a hard thing to do Teshuva for. So wear your kippah on the top back of the head. Don’t have it hanging off to the side. We understand that somebody thought it was cool in high school, but you look like an idiot and that is kind of embarrassing to H.’ That is the only Psak Halacha I have given so far.

Teshuva (2)

2:1- Full Teshuva is when you can enjoy it and you are not past your prime. To commit to not doing it when you have the chance to do it, and you can actually do it. Not when you would rather be in the shvitz. Talking about how you would not sin, chilling with the boyz, showing how cool you are, going for a brisk walk to work up a sweat, does not make you a saint. ‘I would…’ You wouldn’t lift a finger, because you would break your back. You don’t even bend all the way down on Yom Kippur. And that has nothing to do with being scared of the whole brick floor idol worship spreading thing. 

You can still do weak Teshuva, in your old age. It even works on your death bed. It is all timing. You’ve got to catch the death just right. Otherwise, your last sentence is Lashon Hara (slander). The key is to talk the Lashon Hara, call the guy you spoke about, apologize and then die. It is all in Kohelet (12:1-2), that you should remember H’ in your younger years. Afterwards, it says until it is not dark.

2:2-3- Teshuva is committing to never doing your sin again, regretting what you did and saying you will never do it again. This is a bigger commitment than marriage for most of the people nowadays. They regret marriage more, though. Better analogy: this is kind of like divorce. You regret the marriage and say you will never do it again. Here though, You have to say it with your mouth. It is not a document over here. Note: The Rambam would probably say to get married again, and that you shouldn’t regret your marriage.

You can say it, but if you don’t commit to not doing it again, it is like purifying yourself with vermin in your hand. You are lying again. ‘It is Yom Kippur time, might as well regret it and fit in.’ 

You’ve got to commit to the process, and not do it, for at least a couple days. Then sin again so you have something to do on the holiday of Hoshana Rabba.

 2:4-5- The way to do this Teshuva thing is to scream and cry to H’ in supplication, to give tzedaka (charity, you cheap sinner) and stay away from the sins and things that brought you there. It should be the same exact action as your response to getting mugged by a poor person in a big city. And then you should think about how you got put in that position and not repeat it. After being forced to give charity to the guy robbing you, you should take a different route.

So maybe the Rambam isn’t pro this Tikun getting drunk thing, to make up for your drunken sins. It has not worked for many of the members AA, who went the ‘I am going to beat alcohol with alcohol’ route, who are now in jail.  

You also change your name, your behavior for good, and exile yourself. What sins do you exile for? Maybe once you messed up and hurt your spouse and children, exile is a good thing. If your name is Tzachi and you are living in America, you should probably change that. 

If you did a public sin, it is a good thing to let it be known publicly. Just make sure you have a good speech prepared. After you tell everybody how you hurt their chances of buying homes, they want to hear the game plan. Like how you are going to make up for the homeless kids or something. 

But don’t go crazy shouting out your private sins. No need to show off. Nothing worse than a pompous rich dude letting everybody know about his exploits.

2:6-8- ‘Seek H’ when He is found, call Him when He is close’ (Yehsaya 55:6). That is a famous one. Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur are good times for Teshuva. The middle of a basketball game isn’t necessarily the time to go off on all your prayers. If you are praying for help with starving children, while trying to hit the winning free-throw, then that might be OK. It might also be good to put in that prayer at shule. When with a community, it is always a good time. Apparently, H’ is found in there. Even if Bernie never gets an Aliyah.

You got to constantly do confessions on your old sins too. Because, as king David said, ‘My sins are always with me’ (Tehillim 51:5). Yes, we see them on you, you sinner. Coming to shule on Yom Kippur, we know you had a childhood, where you were not just powerwalking. 

2:9-11- Yom Kippur only does sins between you and Gd. Sins between yourself and somebody else, needs forgiveness from that other person. Now I have to talk to other people. Annoying? Yes. 

I thought talking about Simcha was enough. Now I have to ask him for forgiveness. The guy always needs attention. Always got to focus on Simcha.

Taking advantage of people in business would be one of those sins against others. You can’t just go to asking H’ for forgiveness for syphoning funds from the school, call it a day and go on vacation; even though, it would make this whole Teshuva thing a lot more appealing.

You have to try hard for forgiveness. You even bring other people. But you can’t knock on the door and go off on how annoying Simcha is. Then you have to ask the person three times, if they don’t forgive. Got to ask a rabbi even a thousand times.

On the other side, you got to forgive the other person. You can’t hold grudges. So you can’t pay off your mortgage and your kids are now being homeschooled. Don’t blame him for taking you to court and faking the injury.

Worst part. You’ve got to give the money back. Even to a dead person. If they are dead, you’ve got to find somebody to give to, like an inheritor. That is a great way to get rid of the retirement fund. 

Note: There are only two real kinds of sins. The ones you do for lust and desire for something (eating non-kosher and illicit relations…), and the ones you do because you want to look and feel good (Lashon Hara, idol worship…). Any sin could still fall under the other category. If you had no desires, and felt good about yourself, you would not be sinning. You would find a way to believe in H,’ because that belief was what you had to have to be part of the community. You are going to say that this whole atheist thing is also a community. Find me a community of atheists, it is Gd that is keeping them together.

Teshuva (3)

3:1- Somebody who does more good deeds than bad is a Tzadik. More bad than good is an evil person, a Rasha. Right in the middle, is a middle person. What kind are you? Maybe you are just the annoying kind who keeps on asking your friends what kind they think you are. After a while, you have caused a lot of hatred and are probably in the evil person status.

A city with more sins than good deeds is an evil city. A city does not do actions of its own, but all the sinners make it up, until its sins outweigh its decent deeds.

3:2-3- If a city or person falls into Evil status, they are destroyed. There are a lot of Tzadiks in Vegas. You ask why it is still around. It is the charity given by the people who win that game of poker; that extra chip they give to the dealer as a thank you, Chesed (kind deeds you miser who is saving your money for the poor).

A person with more sins dies. And yet, at funerals, we talk about everybody as though they are a tzadik. Nobody ever quotes this Rambam at a funeral. It is an honor to learn Torah in somebody’s memory.

But it goes according to the graveness of sins and greatness of Mitzvot. So we don’t just say, ‘I have done more mitzvoth, I can kill now.’ That might get a few more points on the sin chart. It is a point system. H’ knows the exact amount you score for each sin. Not sure about the exact scores. Eating non-kosher might be three points. Eating non-kosher that you cooked on Shabbat is a 5 point score. If you did it to get back at your parents for making you keep kosher, that could be 8 points. Illicit relationship is a 6 pointer. With a person who is also married, you score 7 sins. Mitzvah points could include helping your mom throw out the trash, probably worth 2. Praying properly could be a 1 point addition to the positive side. A good bow gets an extra point. For the Mitzvah points you can look to any children’s book wear the protagonist is a kid with a Kippah.

If you look at your mitzvot as if there was no purpose for them. You lose the mitzvah points. ‘Oh, I davened (prayed to H’ you sinful waker upper who doesn’t even use Tefillin) today. That was pointless. I should have also let that lady stay down. She gave me no tip for helping her out of traffic.’ You lose points for that stuff. Might be tilting towards the Rasha side now.

Yom Kippur- if by the end of this holiday, you fall into the sin category, you are sealed for death. That is why you have to get into the Yom Kippur prayers. Do that Teshuva like you really care.

3:4- Got to always see yourself as a Beynoni (middle guy, you apikores who doesn’t know how to use a scale). Keep yourself up with the Teshuva. Never know what is going to happen. That next mitzvah could be the one to put you on the positive side. And Teshiva is any easy mitzvah to do. ‘Dinner tasted good yesterday, I regret that,’ mitzvah point. Keep the score on the mitzvah side.

You can also be the one tipping the world onto the good side, stopping another deluge. You could be the Tzadik, you sinner. And that is why you should vote. Rock the vote.

Heightened points come around the Rosh Hashana Yom Kippur time. That is the time H’ set aside for the double point round.

3:5- Keep it good. Jews still have a place in the world to come, along with the righteous gentiles. But you want to feel like you deserved it. Coming into the world to come and dealing with all that judgment then, can make you feel like maybe you didn’t deserve it; still sitting at the kids table, with chicken fingers in the world to come.

You get judged from the third one on. Communities get judged from the fourth one on. There are a lot of mess ups in the communities, so we let a few more sins slide. Bernie is a total mess up, so we take that into account.

3:6-14- There are people who don’t get Olam Haba (the world to come). Among them: Deniers of H’ and his prophets, people who say there is more than one Gd or Gd doesn’t exist, converts away from Judaism and even people who show one commandment isn’t important in public, People who make others sin, those who go against the community and its fasts, one who proudly commits sins, one who turns over his friend to non-Jews, one who brings fear on the community which is not for H.’ L: Any professor of science at the university who became a Christian does not get Olam Haba. And they double don’t get it if they threaten you with a test which they make you take on Shabbat.

It is 24 different types of people. They even include Lashon Hara (slander, slanderous annoyance with decent stories). It even includes using an intermediary to get to Gd. What does this mean? I would like to know? How do you view your Rebbe?

There are those things that if you get used to, you have no share in Olam Haba: Treating your friends wrong with embarrassment or nicknames, or disgracing rabbis, wise men, holidays, sacrifices. Point: Don’t mock your friends or the religion or you will lose your place in Olam Haba. Did you even want Olam Haba. You probably mocked that too.

Nonetheless, you are crying about it on your death bed. Which is why you should always view yourself as dying. That is when you start to appreciate H.’

But if you do Teshuva, nothing can get in the way. If you do the repentance, you get Olam Haba. Got to love that you can sin and then catch it at the right time and you are on the Tzadik side. ‘I regret it…I said I regret it. You can’t lock me up.’

‘Return faithless children’ (Yermiyahu 3:14 & 22) and ‘And I will heal him’ (Yeshaya 57:19). Most of our Teshuva stuff we learn from Neviim and Ketuvim (Prophets and Writings you Am HaAretz who thinks the Bible is only the 5 Books of Moses and wouldn’t even think to call it the Torah). There is a lot of hope in this. The only problem is that we have to act right afterwards. This whole genuine thing is painful.

Teshuva (4)

There are 24 things that make Teshuva real hard, to the point of stopping it. Yes, you affect the process with your acts. You blame for what you have done already. Sick.

4:1- You think H’ will let you do Teshuva all the time, but not if you cause others to sin or to not do Mitzvot. Now you are back on the track of keeping the mitzvot, but your clients are still hooked on heroin. Other things that stop from the permission for Teshuva: if you don’t discipline your son. Oh. Like ‘Timeout’ has ever stopped a young man from dating a non-Jew. And then you think you will sin and then do Teshuva. I like that. That makes sinning a bit easier. 10 more minutes in shule tomorrow and I can talk some Lashon Hara. And then you start talking Lashon Hara in shule. Oy!

4:2: The door of Teshuva gets locked on you if you separate from the congregation, argue with rabbis, scoff at the mitzvot (why would you do them if you are mocking them, you cynical lover of cable television), puts down the teachers, or can’t take rebuke. If you think you are right, you are going to hell.

If you can act proper, while being around people, and not have to talk about them for being annoying, while listening to the rabbis, you are already a Tzadik. For this reason, I would suggest to stay away from board meetings, because that makes it extra hard to not hate people and being in a congregation. I would also suggest you start enjoying processed carbohydrates and gefilte fish, because they help with Teshuva.

If you don’t take rebuke, you are not going to listen to the rabbis that are there to rebuke you, you are hopeless. Hearing how bad you are isn’t something you should enjoy.

4:3- You can’t do full Teshuva if you don’t know who you are sinning against. So cursing everybody, because your life sucks is not a good way to go. Be focused with your curses. Specify that it is Jim, and then you only have to ask forgiveness from Jim. This might cause Jim to hate you more, but it makes the Teshuva process easier.

I understand you like your business and if you don’t want to get shot by the mob, but if you take money from a thief you don’t know whose it is. If you don’t return a lost object (kind of by announcing it) how you going to get it back to the person. Same with taking an ox of unfortunate people who are hard to track down. People without money couldn’t afford IDs back in the day. This also helped when they needed to steal something. And then taking money for judgment. Noting affects you?!!

As long as you are getting your money and cursing everybody, all is fine. No. You can’t do Teshuva.

4:4- Easy to the eyes, doesn’t look like a sin. But they are, you sinner: Eating from a poor person’s table. ‘Oh. They want me to eat. They put it out.’ She is starving over there, you gluten pig. You are taking down a half a chicken and she is eating a wing with her hands, because they also gave you the fork. And then you take the pledge of a poor person. ‘Well they gave the money.’ They are poor. Now they have no home. Maybe you should start a building fund for them, collecting pledges for them and not another addition to the shule’s social hall. Looking at women forbidden to you. ‘I am just looking.’ At his wife you sicko. You should have asked her out when she was single. Whose daughter? And then you enjoy seeing things go bad for your colleague. ‘Ha Ha, he is also out of work.’ Why don’t you go out there and find work of your own. Sick person. And then you suspect good people who are not in the wrong. Now this guy can’t pickpocket anymore, because you have no proof.

4:5- And then there are things that are hard to separate from, because all you do is talk, LAshon Hara (slander), gossip. It probably happens because you get mad easily and you have disgusting bad thoughts, and you are hanging out with bad influences; the idiots who think it is OK to take money from the poor, not do mitvot, mocking them, putting down the rabbis, with their mafia table, talking smack about all your friends, cursing everybody in the community, with women that should be forbidden to you.

‘I am just hanging out.’ Hanging out and talking to people, you sinner.

Did you hear it? That is rebuke. If you can’t take it, then you can’t do Teshuva.

4:6- A little note to feel good about. You are sinner, but you can still do Teshuva, if you realize that you are sinning; even though you don’t, because you can’t, because these things are now part of you character traits, which you think are totally fine. L: It is not fine to enjoy yourself. Instead of enjoying a conversation while eating your poor friend’s food, sit and listen to a rabbi tell you how messed up you are. This way you can feel bad about yourself and do Teshuva.

Teshuva (5)

5:1-3- We make decisions for good and bad. This separates man from all other species. There is none of this, ‘I have no control…it is not my fault.’ None of this PC ‘All decisions are good decisions.’ You mess up a lot, and that is what separates you from animals. We make our decisions, which is why you have to ask for forgiveness and regret it. At least appear like you regret it. We are also blessed with the ability to act.

We can all be a tzadik/righteous person or a rasha/evil person. As much as your star sign says you are not at fault, you are still evil.

Look into ways out. ‘My parents raised me wrong.’ Did anybody’s parents raise them right? You can figure out that your dad is a drunk and your mom is verbally abusive. Move on. We can figure out what we have done. H’ gave us a blessing and a curse (Devarim 11:26), we choose. And you chose to be lazy.

5:4- The whole astrology thing is for fools. You are not controlled by your ‘natural inherent self.’ You have a say. Excuses are great, they make you feel all cozy inside, and allow for an extra 3 hours a day of relaxation in front of the TV. But control gets in the way. We have it. That is what sucks here. You can’t make mistakes and blame it on a hard childhood. You join AA, NA, RA and anything with an A at the end. Maybe you even get off your tuchis and get a BA.

Yes, H’ controls the world and it is all according to His desire. And He desires that man has the choice.  And that is where it gets complicated. Based on most of the people I met, I would call it a mistake. But I cannot see H’s plan and I have to be the one who hires people to work at my establishment.

5:5- Doesn’t H’ know everything? Then how does He not know if we will be good or bad? The whole, ‘Can H’ make a rock he cannot lift?’ Ohhh, you stumped me.

H’ knows everything, but you don’t. You are separate and therefore not infinite. So understand that you can’t understand. Understanding that you are unknowledgeable is the making of a smart human being. Understanding that people mess up a lot and knowing not to depend on them is a brilliant human being.

Without this choice of man, then there could be no judgment and the prophets would make no sense. And worst of all, we wouldn’t be able to stone people.

H’ has his reasons. I am sure they make more sense than I can give Him. I am not here to defend H.’ I am sure He is stronger than your dad.

 

Teshuva (6)

6:1-3- A lot of retribution kind of stuff in the Torah makes free will hard to understand. One such thing is having to go to Jewish Day School, Torah class, and having to do the homework.

It is your free will, until it gets to a point where you can’t do Teshuva. Kind of like fighting the first day of school. Then you complain the second day. After taking a few beatings with the belt, you end up going every day. It is habit.

Doing real bad sins, or tons of sins, could cause Teshuva to be disconnected from you. Real bad sins would be killing people. It is hard to bounce back from murdering somebody. A lot of sins would be the whole constantly talking. You are probably talking smack. You get used to that, and it is hard to do Teshuva. I can tell you that after hearing all your smack, I am annoyed.

There are different sins which cause the punishment in this world or the next. Some cause loss of money and hardships here, others cause loss of connection in the world to come. I know you are choosing money right now, you heretic.

Point is that, Paroh was passed the point of Teshuva. He is already making them build those pyramids with no ladders, the guy deserves to die. Same with Sichon and the Cannanites who were abominable. Doing all your abominations, you are going to do them anyways at this point. It is normal to randomly be with any person of the opposite sex. Normal? No. It is what Europeans and Americans do. And same with the Jews who worshipped idols in the time of Elisha. They all did not have permission for Teshuva anymore. That right was lost to them, kind of like the right to get ice cream, after you get an ‘A’  on a test. I lost that the first test I Aced.

6:4-5- Righteous people ask to be shown the right way, so they are not blocked form Teshuva. H’ even sent Neviim/prophets to help with this. But you have to want it. You have to want to learn from what H’ is telling us. You have a different idea of fun. Fun is basking in H’s glory and connecting with H.’ Isn’t that cool? Maybe you will understand when you are 90 and the only thing you want to do is sit in a shvitz. Once you go to the gym to get in better shape by sitting, you will hopefully understand this a little better. You might even start going to shule, to feel like you have a chance at a share in the world to come, with a little spot on the wooden bench.

Yes, the Jews were told they would be slaves, and that future generation would serve idols. But it never said who the sinners would be. We have that ability to choose. Nobody said that Karen had to ask a question, every day, with a minute left in class. She chose to do that. It was known that somebody would ruin my recess, but she didn’t have to.

Even when it says that ‘the poor in the land will never cease’ (Devarim 15:11), that doesn’t mean you have to be poor. Doesn’t mean that you have to work at being poor. It is not a mitzvah to sit at the Kotel and get mad at  me for not giving you enough charity.

Teshuva (7)

7:1-2- Got to always view yourself as if you are going to die. (Kohelet 9:8) ‘Your clothes should always be white.’ You should view yourself like you are going to die in clean clothes. It is quite embarrassing to croak with a stain on your shirt. Now they have to clean your body and some grape juice. Got to look decent to make a good first impression in Olam Haba. You don’t want to go in there, and right away everybody hates you because you have dandruff. Spiritual dandruff.

If you see yourself like you are dying all the time, you are going to do Teshiva and be real depressed. That is unless you are looking forward to the world to come. I guess that all depends on how shallow you are, and how much you like your shirts washed.

7:3- Worry about the sins that are also about who you are as a person, your traits and tendencies. Hatred and lust are a couple of these. Yes, the way you act is important. Don’t be a jerk. I think you understand this, with your smug face and angry beeping.

Apparently, thoughts are also sins. Lesson: Stop thinking. If you don’t think, you won’t have desires and you won’t be out there beeping people. You will sit in your car, relaxing to some tunes, while everybody else is beeping. That is probably a better character trait.  

7:4- No using the excuse that ‘I have sinned too much.’ Don’t cop out. You are going to sin anyways. You’ve got to set goals for yourself. ‘Today, I am going to break the Guinness record for the long jump.’ If you keep these little goals in mind, it reminds you that you can still achieve.

Once you realize, that is a goal not worth trying to attain, set another goal. ‘Today,  I am going to get out of bed before noon.’ Tell yourself you are a winner.

The rabbis even give more credit to a Chozer BTshuva than a Tzadik. If it makes you feel better for being a sinner your whole life, then go with this teaching.

Lesson: Tzadikim should sin more, so that they can get more reward.

7:5-7- Israel is redeemed through Teshuva, and you cannot do repentance without sinning. Again, we have to give more credit to the sin. The sinners are the ones who are bringing about the age of redemption. They might die when it happens, because they are sinners, but we should give credit where it is due.

Teshuva brings you closer to Gd, and it also brings the sinner within the friendship circle. Sins cast you away, Teshuva brings you back in. So know how to do the sin right, so that you can feel bad enough to do Teshuva. But you still can’t do Teshuva for a sin you did on purpose. Maybe the sinning theory is not a good one to go with. If you are calculated and can figure out how to sin without wanting to do it, and you calculatedly due it by accident, then you might be fine sinning on purpose.

When you were a sinner, you were distance from H’ and your mitzvoth and prayers meant nothing. Once you do Teshuva, the prayers are finally heard, Mitzvot are accepted and H’ wants your offerings. Now you understand how awesome Teshuva is. You are accepted, even though are a sinner who doesn’t want to be in the inner prayer circle.

But what about the prayers of Teshuva? How were they heard? You and your questions.

Is Teshuva a prayer? Silly.

7:8- Don’t remind a Chozer BTshuva of their past, for ‘man shall not mistreat others of his nation’ (VaYIkra 25:17). Never talk to somebody about high school. Never start a sentence, ‘Remember the time...man,’ you sinner. You are a sinner who likes memories, and that is why you have to ask for Teshuva.

But the Chozer BTshuva should take the condescending statements, from the angry old Frum guy who never got a chance to have fun and is sick of wearing a suit, as a blessing. Why? The more Teshuva done, the greater the merit. And being reminded of the sins is a chance for more Teshuva, especially if you start whaling on the guy.

 

Teshuva (8)

8:1- Reward for the righteous is in the world to come. No wonder why it is so boring down here, on earth.

The sinner’s soul gets cut off and doesn’t experience it. I have a feeling the sinner really doesn’t care. A greater question than the ‘Can H” make something that he cannot lift?’ Here it goes: Does somebody who doesn’t believe in Olam Haba, care if they do not get it?

You would think that their soul cares, but they could probably care less.

8:2- The world to come has no physical form. Just sitting there and connecting with H,’ basking in the glory. Enjoying the truth of H.’ That is joy. Joy is not physical, you lover of happiness. Sit in a shvitz, in a towel and you will begin to understand.

8:3-5- You get bound in the bond of life, with H,’ like in the prayers that rabbis read in English. It sounds so poetic, it is brilliant. In that world of the non-physical there is no death. That is the goodness, the connection. And there are so many beautiful names for this. The rabbis call it the ‘feast.’ This quite ironic, because there is no food. There are more jokes where that one came from.

But to get cut off, there is no greater form of retribution. It is just a pit. Total destruction. And you feel like an idiot, being the only guy who can’t find a spot on the bench, in the shvitz. You don’t even get to see the shvitz. You have no connection at all. Your death is a real death. It is over. Your life was worthless, expect for the ball you caught at the Mets game, and you illegitimate children probably didn’t even show up to your funeral.

We complain about all this death stuff in this world. But it is the total destruction that is the real thing. That is a bad way to go. That total destruction thing makes it hard for the Shiva Call too. Showing up to a mourner’s house with that for a conversation. Having to tell them, ‘Nope. He is not in a better place. He messed up a bit too much. But he had a good time hear, until he couldn’t walk for his last eight years…Why did he not do Teshuva?’

8:6-8- You were thinking it. I was thinking it too. Would be cool to have the ivory tower and good looking people stuff. I would wear some fine clothes. Hugh Hefner is not Olam Haba. The idiots think this way, because they live a life of lewdness.

The soul, without a body doesn’t even recognize this stuff. I hear you. Sounds kind  of boring. Why? Because you are hedonistic sinner.

This world to come stuff is only known to H,’ and is there for those who await it (Yshayah 64:3). What the prophets promised for physical goodness is for the days of Mashiach. That is the future in this world. Olam Haba already exists. We just have no idea exactly what it means to cling to H.’

Two things that we cannot fully grasp as humans, the greatness of H’ and the world to come.

All I can say is that it better be good. I am putting a lot of trust in H’ for this. A lot of dependence here, kind of like the prayer I put in for my boys to come out with a win the other week. I am praying for that goodness for Bernie who passed away too, as well as a good world to come. I don’t know if I can bring out the same amount of feeling as the boys winning, as there is no money down on this prayer, but I will try connect on this spiritual thing. Whatever it means. I wouldn’t know anyways.

Teshuva (9)

Is all the reward in the world to come? No. It is also in this world. But good question my Talmid.

The tzadik/righteous can see that reward in this world, because that is what you want. A Rasha/wicked doesn’t want everything to be provided for them, so they can learn Torah and do Mitzvot. ‘Wow. Thank you. Now I can go and learn Torah in the Beis Medrish. This is exciting to me. I feel like I have been rewarding for partying every night this week. The Torah learning will help with my hangover.’ To the Rasha, this reward is boring as anything. The reward is a punishment.

The Rasha ends up becoming weak and without a heart to do the Mitzvot, ending his days in fear. The guy wanted to sin anyways. But now he does not have the ability to do Mitzvot. It is always like that. At the end, they all the sudden get all scared and they start to pray. ‘I can’t go out partying anymore. Shoot. I might as well pray for health.’

You put in your effort to do the good and H’ brings down blessings, so that you can continue to do good. This is why the rabbis prayed for Mashiach. They want the redemption so that kingship comes and it will be easier to serve H.’ A bit more relaxing. Those are the blessings. What a righteous person wants, will be provided. That is easy. They don’t want a car. They don’t want too much food, as the rabbis taught to eat bread in salt. They don’t want electronics. ‘Here you go Shragi. Your present. A Gemara.’ As messed up as it sounds, that is exciting to Tzadik.

It is all in your mind. That is where blessing is found. If it was money, you would have to question whether you have not got the bad end of the stick.

Lesson: Live a boring life and this life will be amazing. That is the blessing. Your life will remain boring. And that is considered blessed in this world as well.

If you live an exciting life, you want more, then you get tired and you can’t do it. Biggest problem is when these rock fans are 70 years old and still wearing the tight jeans. It looks messed up. That is not a blessing to anybody. Not even Aerosmith. 

That is why, when you ask an old person how things are, they say, ‘I have my health.’ To depress you.

Teshuva (10)

Serve H’ threw love. That is the way of the tzadikim- Avraham is ‘He who loved Me’ (Isaiah 41:8). That is what made him Avraham, he loved H.’ I thought for a while that this meant that I didn’t have to keep the Mitzvot, because H’ loves me. Then I was told that I had to keep the Mitzvot. So here I am, writing this stuff. I would have thought that love should just come from the heart, but she broke up with me. She didn’t like the way I said Hallel on Rosh Chodesh.

Don’t say, ‘I will serve to get blessings and rewards, or for Olam Haba,’ or that you will stay away from sins because you don’t want to get punished. That is serving H’ threw fear. Although it is valid, because you do not want to get stoned.

That is how we educate in the beginning, to serve through fear. It kept me showing up to school for many years. However, we wean them onto Ahava/love. It is a long process, with a lot of Gemara/Talmud being taught.

‘Desire His mitzvot’ (Tehilim 112:1). Don’t desire the reward. That is how you do it. That is love. It is about romancing the mitzvot. Connecting with them. Listening to them. She said I didn’t listen enough.

How does this work? Like loving a woman. You have to love and care, in a sense, be obsessed. That comes with constantly being passionate about H.’ ‘With all your heart and all your soul and all your abilities’ (Devarim 6:5). And we can only love with how much we know. The more we know about H,’ the more we can love Him. She also said I didn’t want to know about her enough. Truth is that I heard about every one of her days, and I didn’t want to know more about how funny Ron is at work.

We are going to be thinking about something. It is how we are as humans. We can think about how messed up our lives are or we can blame H’ for it. H’ always has to be there. That is the good addiction. Either drugs or Gd. You choose.

It can also be an addiction to having to have me listen to you. There is going to be an addiction. If you have that addiction, then put a little effort into making your stories funnier.

Lesson: The good is in the connection to H.’ Teshuva, repentance is just another way to help us connect more. I can tell you that I was doing a lot of apologizing in my last relationship. Just a lot of ‘I didn’t mean it that way. I am sorry.’