'Bahar' Excerpts

בהר

Shabbat Shalom

You all ask, 'How are we going to survive.' That is all you think about. Survival. Like it is the most important thing. The shule is falling apart and the only thing everybody mentions is that the walkway in front of the shule has potholes...'The potholes are dangerous...'

Every day: 'I can't pay my dues. How am I going to survive?' Quite well Bernie. You have a nice cottage that you can't even get to...it is 3 stories...you can't climb stairs...You could pay your dues...

(25:21) 'And I will command My blessing to you, in the sixth year, and I will make for a crop of three years.'

H' tells us that He commands us His blessing. We don't work for a year and we are still blessed with enough food for three. The sustenance is there. I am not saying that we should support the work ethic of this congregation...your son doesn't even bag the groceries. That is his job. He works at a grocery store and doesn't even bag...No. You can bag groceries in America. The laws of resting on the seventh year don't apply here. The kid learns one law and that is the only one he keeps. Let the land lay to rest on the seventh year. This kid is resting....And I have to bag my own groceries. Chutzpah.

(25:18) 'You shall do my decrees and observe my laws...and then you will dwell securely in the land.'

It is the commandments that we follow that yield His blessing. We get the three years of food, because we keep the mitzvot and practice the laws of Shmitah. 

Half the people in this shule have lost their jobs recently, and I know that the Schwartz's house is not under fire code. They are not dwelling securely...But maybe if they were to start keeping the commandments...Bernie at least has a vacation house...

Why are we one of the poorest congregations per capita? First, because we decided to live in Kansas and to not practice any mitzvot. How much cabbage can yous sell Frank?...Not much. Especially when you don't work the land...

Stop mistaking America for Israel. The lesson is to keep the commandments. That is the lesson I give over every week. Which is pathetic, because you are such heretics and you would be in shock if I used the word 'Mitzvah.' How can you be good Jews when you are constantly reading the left side of the page? Barry, in the back there speaks the most messed up English I ever heard. The kid thinks that transliteration is proper English.

Israel can never be sold forever. It is H's land and we are just settling it (25:23-24)

Accept who owns this world. Once you do that, you can give the land its redemption. Trust in it's owner to take care of it...No Bernie. I am not supporting the work ethic of this congregation. Work at your jobs. Pay your dues.

What about the shule's survival?...That depends on us...Because we are not in Israel. We have to work. Maybe even help out a little. Like if you are being paid by a grocery store to bag groceries. Bag them.

***These are excerpts from the sermon. For the sermon in its entirety, come see David Kilimnick perform at the Off The Wall Comedy Basement, in downtown Jerusalem.
David also tours as a Maggid with very few stories, and is booking his America tour as a Comic-in-Residence for June and October.

Shabbat Shalom