BHalotcha Excerpts

בהעלותך

Shabbat Shalom

(9:17-23) When the cloud lifted from on top of the Mishkan, they traveled. When it settled, they settled.

It could be days, it could be less, it could be months, it could be years. They traveled according to H's word...This shule has moved how many times over the years? Never. It should have moved five years ago, to another city. Different congregants. Everybody would have enjoyed that. But no. It stays in the same spot, all the time, with all of you...Just moving would have been a good thing...

Who in this congregation goes according H'? Who even knows when H' wants us to travel?

You travel on these trips to Disney World. You travel on these trips to the Far East. Southern Hemisphere. You travel for your vacation...The Mishkan and desert travel was not vacation. Neither is it vacation to be staying here, in this shule, every Shabbat...Painful to listen to the sermon?! Painful to talk to you...

How many of you travel for H'?

When there is a death, are you there for the mitzvah of taking care of the dead?

When there is a simcha? Do you travel to make a bride and groom happy?...Nobody enjoys the whole dancing at the wedding party concept, but we do it because there is a Jewish tradition to dance in a circle...

The only time anybody in this congregation traveled was when Pinchas was Bar Mitzvahed. It was very painful. We all knew it was going to be. The whole community made it a point to not be in shule that Shabbat. The excuses people came up with for traveling at the end of January were baffling...The airport was even closed...He did the whole sedra (Torah portion- good opportunity to repeat the speech given at Pinchas's Bar Mitzvah, as none of you were there). Shouldn't have even done Maftir...The kid is not smart. Should have just done the 'Amen.' We could have called it a Bar Mitzvah. He wouldn't have known...

There was not even a minyan....

Being happy with your lot. This is something people in this congregation do not do. Always going shopping, trying to find other stuff. Big Lots ring a bell. Does H' want you buying stuff cheap? And then your vacationing. Running away, so you can go broke and end up shopping at Big Lots for your groceries.

(8:19) The Levim were given to the Kohanim to do the work of Bnei Yisrael/Children of Israel, in the Tent of Meeting. They were placed there, as the first-borns sinned. Kind of like everybody in this congregation, who should be replaced by other congregants who did not sin at the Golden Calf...Point is they were happy with their lot. Not even theirs. Placed below the Kohanim. But they do not complain...'Why did I get a ''B''?' Because you didn't study Pinchas...

You try to create your lot. If you go according to H's lot, you are happy. Who enjoys vacation? Going broke on three days in a hotel. And how much soap do they really let you take back anyways?...Those who do it according to H.' Those learning vacation kind of things. Tons of fun...

(10:10) Even at our happy days and holidays we blow the horns, to remind us.

Remind us what? Remind us that to be happy, 'I am H' your Gd.'

Happiness in H's lot...The next time you vacation, check with H.' Maybe you really should be moving. That might bring happiness to the Levi of this congregation.

Nobody is finding Simcha (happiness) when we have to hear Bernie...Yes Bernie. A different joke for once.

***These are excerpts from the sermon. For the sermon in its entirety, come see David Kilimnick perform at the Off The Wall Comedy Basement, in downtown Jerusalem.
David also tours as a Maggid with very few stories, and is booking his America tour as a Comic-in-Residence for October.

Shabbat Shalom