Dvarim Excerpts

דברים

Shabbat Shalom

(2:3-5) H' tells Moshe something to the extent of, 'You are passing Esav's land and they will fear you...but be careful and don't provoke them, because that is their inheritance.' Not everything is yours. We have a seat that Hymie has been sitting in for 8 years. Is it his? It is definitely not Mark's inheritance. Mark just took...

Same for the land of Moa. That is for the children of Lot (2:9). H' sets aside stuff for people. In this case, land. In the case of the meal I was invited to last week, all the vegetarian food, for the vegetarian...No. They did not share. They care about animals, not humans. If I would have been a dog, I might have gotten a piece of quiche...They don't teach them that in vegetarian etiquette school. Meat eaters share though...You want it all, but that is their inheritance. Not all is yours.

You respect people and their belongings. I do not believe that the Tzedaka guy respects the fact that it is my money.

When passing through the land of Esav and Lot, they have to pay (2:6). You pay for the water you drink. You pay for the food you eat. You pay your dues Frank. Marcy, it would be nice if you paid your dues as well. This is not a Yizkur appeal. That would be asking for donations, something out of the good of your heart...You are required to pay dues. They are called dues. And you get a tax write-off...

You respect people and you pay for stuff...It you pay for what you take. You don't bargain for 2 hours. There is a price on something, you pay it, you don't negotiate. This is why we are going to have to close the shule's thrift shop...Because of Torah. We had a baseball card sale day at the shule thriftshop and everybody wanted a deal. It is not all about the deals. Barry Bonds is a descendant of Esav and he you do not bargain for that. You pay.

When you get a Mishebeirach blessing, you give a donation to the shule. A requirement...

Respect people's money. I got a mishebeirach. I did not want it. $18, I am told I have to give. Meaning does not mean going broke. 18, because that equals the Hebrew word 'Chai.'...

'Chai,' meaning 'life.' We must stop giving money equal to letters in words. That has nothing to do with salary. The shule doesn't even pay me enough to live. That is what giving people Chai means. 

The Hebrew letters of Chai equalling 18- this does not make for a good Bar Mitzvah gift....That is not paying for the Bar Mitzvah. Find out how much the parents have to spend on the child's education, then give the gift. Maybe give them a vacation, with no extra Mishebeirach blessings in the middle of services...Nobody cares about your family, Bernie.

(2:24) But you do start a war with the Amorites, because they did not let you pass through their land. Even when you told them you would pay for the water and food. Sichon, said no...There is basic practice in business. Etiquette if you will That is all we are saying.

You give a certain amount for a Mishebairach, Bernie. $18. That is what it is...It is expensive because it is painful for everybody in the congregation to have to hear another blessing, about your family... Look at the siddur. The prayer book has a good 2,000 blessings in it, already...Mine was different. 

I was hit with the Mishebeirach. I was surprised. The gabai threw it on me. I did not ask for it....I didn't even say any names. I just had him say, 'Bless the family.' $18 for that? No. It should be a dollar a name. Bernie, you named grandparents who were deceased, because a future generation might name a child after them...There is no 'just in case' mishebeirachs...You would be up to 180 dollars...You can't file a Mishebeirach tax write-off...Because it is cash Frank.

When people do not have Derech Eretz (basic etiquette), you may take their land. And that is why Bernie is not getting another Mishebeirach, and we are taking Bernie's seat.

This week's parsha is about respecting people's money. it is lack of respect that causes baseless hatred. That is why the Beit Hamikdash, the Temple was destroyed, and why we have Tisha BAv tonight. Because you people do baseless acts, which cause hatred.

I am not buying anything from the thrift shop. I am already broke from getting the extra Mishebeirach blessing last week.

***These are excerpts from the sermon. For the sermon in its entirety, come see David Kilimnick perform at the Off The Wall Comedy Basement, in downtown Jerusalem.

David also tours as a Maggid around the world, with very few stories.

Shabbat Shalom