Matos Excerpts

מטות

Shabbat Shalom

(31:42) Israel got half of the loot. The rest went to the soldiers. 

There were no hot dogs at the BBQ. Half the hot dogs were gone. Who ate them?...The hamburgers were dry.

You all think you deserve...What have you done? At the shule BBQ, did you man the grill…Who are the men manning? They should eat more. They are the soldiers...There was no manning the grill. It was an electric oven.

 

(31:47) And Moshe took 1 percent of the fifty for the Levites.

Does this bother you? I don’t think you all shared. The Levites got nothing at the BBQ. Not even a percent. They were sitting there, singing songs around the fire, like good Levites...You give them something. You share!

We heard about the camp fiasco. Package came in and Mendel didn’t share the Pringles. It is understood, you get Pringles, it is for the bunk. This is not Friday night Kiddush, where the rabbi is there to distribute the grape juice evenly....

The packages these children are getting. Huge. Did they forget your house?...Sharona had a couch sent to her. One kid had a chandelier sent. You are sending them booty from your house. A car...It was a go-kart. They don't need a go-kart in camp, Bernie. They are not 90 years old. These kids are not playing golf...Yes it is dangerous. They don't share the road. It is about sharing. It is about knowing what is yours. Just because you take it, does not make it yours. You have been sitting in Sidney's seat for the past three months...

 

(31:50-53) For a sacrifice, as an atonement for their souls, they brought gold.

Do you feel bad, ever? No. This shule has never had a donation brought. The most that has been brought to the shule is a pair of pants, with frizzes on the bottom. We also still have Michal's hat donation in the coat room...Apparently, nobody else wants it either Michal. You might want to donate that brimmed hat with the pink feather to the congregation, as well...Yes. The one you are wearing.

Instead of just killing Midianites, they let some live, they thought of themselves. Like the shule mission to pick up matzah last Pesach. They ended up getting pizza...You go in and come out, Brian. That is a mission. When I go on rabbinical missions, do you think I stay for the speeches? No. It is a mission. I go in and leave. I don't stay and network, because I am not selfish...Next time, you are paying for the gas, Brian.

(31:54) The gold was for a remembrance of the children of Israel.

Are you remembered when you give nothing? Hymie has no plaque in this shule...Myleen's plaque is made out of tin...Because there is no atonement. You give nothing away...We are not making a plaque out of a paisley shirt. If somebody can please take that out of the coat room...