Dvarim Excerpts

דברים

Shabbat Shalom

(2:36) '...all H' our Gd gave us.' All the cities of Israel. There was nobody too strong. It was the power of H.' H' provided and now we have a congregation that has families breaking up. How many divorces this year?...I see you on Tinder. What are you doing on Tinder? All the Jews are at the JTop events. Just go there...

We win the wars because H' gave it to us. The land too. We get because H' gave it to us. The question is what wars is H' fighting for us here? None. Because we don't live in Israel.

The war for education? We have been losing....You don't see one kid in this shul. You know why? Because of the pediatricians. You don't want to run into your doctor when you are trying to pray. It is not a fun experience...Michael told me that he ran out last weeks because he heard somebody cough and he had flashbacks to a cough he was asked to do in Dr. Rosen's office...

(3:2-14) We took the land of Og. The last of the Refaim. The Refaim were giants. Who are giants in our lives? It is Mr. Goldsmith. What happened to him? He died....

H' told Moshe not to fear and (3:3) 'H' our Gd gave the land in our hands...' When we don't fear, H' is with us. But we fear education. We fear going to the doctor's office...No more members of this shul are allowed to practice pediatrics...

The land of Og was ours and that is where Reuven, Shimon and half of Menahse stayed. In the land of Gilad. It was a good land. They concurred it. They wanted it. They stayed there. Nobody in this congregation wants to be here. Everybody wants to be in Picano county. I understand. Better houses there. More greenery. Why are you not moving to Israel...

They wanted to stay. Nobody wants to stay here.

Sharon's profile showed that she lives in Chicago. You live in Topeka Sharon. Try selling your home and getting a hovel in Skokie. You can't. You are in Topeka for the long hall. And those pictures are forbidden. Everybody in this congregation is putting up their gym pics, in lingerie...

Your strength comes from H.' Not a gym pic. Stop flexing Bernie, everybody avert your eyes. Children. This is scarier than your pediatrician...Bernie is not on Tinder. I know...I am on there to make sure this congregation is acting correctly. And some have some nice pictures...JSwipe. You should be on JSwipe...'J' is how you know it is a cool Jewish event. By hyphenating Jewish and Topeka, you can go to a doubly cool JTop program.

(3:11) The remaining Refaim, his bed was '9 cubits long, 4 cubits wide.' It was big. Why can't we get a decent side bed from Rami Co. here in this city. He is bringing these Sochnut Jewish Agency mattresses mattresses. 

Ogs bed was also made out of iron. That was softer than Rami's 1 by 4 cubit inch thick Jewish Agency Special...But he was big, and we still beat them. We can overcome if we believe in H'...well maybe H' doesn't think this congregation belongs here Bernie. There is no education in this town and there are kids on Tinder. The 14 year old is still leading Adon Olam. They are coming in from the youth groups after the services.

It is about not looking to the outside. Not saying that we are going to get beat because they are bigger than us. Not saying that are shul has no future, just because Anshei Siferes has kids who can read Hebrew and are smarter. Not saying that I have no hope of meeting a Jew, because they are all losers. That is not how you win wars.

Amon beat him, and he was huge. This means that Amon was strong. Even Amon beat Og. You see. So who is strong? Is it the person who sleeps on the big bed? They are comfortable... 

Og was big, and I see little children on Tinder. Don't ask me why your 9 year old is on Tinder, Sharon. You are the one getting the divorce, she should not be on there...Don't use your family pictures on Tinder. Esepcialy the ones from you summer vacation. Sharon.

If you believed in H,' you would believe you could find a Jew. A not Gd fearing Jew who lets somebody know they want to date them based solely on pictures. You follow in his ways on JSwipe.

We meet because H' gives them to us.