Bo Excerpts
בא
Shabbat Shalom
Last week we read about the plagues, like the Feinblum family. This week, we finish off the plagues.
Other plagues? The kotel Tefillin placing. It was the kid's first time...Who cares about first time? Our congregation was embarrassing. At least the family should've been embarrassed. The kid was wrapping it all wrong. You practice. The tefillin were falling. It was the plague of bad Tefillin placement.
Sing the song with the kids. 'Eyes and ears and mouth and nose. Head, shoulders, knees and toes.' This kid had know idea where his arm was.
Then we had the plague of the grandfather do a siyum...He finished one of the Tractates of Talmud. If you ever finished talking Bernie...A siyum. Reading the whole Misechta. He read through the whole thing. It was an eight hour ordeal.
Then we had the candy plague. The candy crisis at services. First, the candy man had no candy...
At midnight, H' killed the firstborns of Egypt. At midnight, nobody in this congregation would know what is happening. You are all sleeping, because you don't do Tikun Chatzot. You think midnight is a feel good time for sleep...
(12:30) 'and there was a great outcry in Egypt, because there was no house where there wasn't a death.' When it hits you, you feel it. For the neighbors, who cares. We'll do an eight hour siyum, turn it into a party. The neighbors felt it. Because it hit them. You were dancing on their ceiling...I could care less if it was a circle dance. It was midnight Dr. Feinblum.
Do you make a big deal when somebody smells bad? When you smell it, it is a big deal. You walk away and let somebody else smell him. That is not a big deal for you anymore. There is a selfishness to your outcry.
(12:31-36) Now Egypt tells the Jews to leave, the way Moshe and Ahron wanted, with everybody and the sheep and cattle.
They made the Jews leave fast because they didn't all want to die. Do I have to kill somebody here for you to change the light bulb?!! It has been out for a month.
And 'H' gave the nation favor in the eyes of the Egyptians and they acquiesced to their request, and they emptied out Egypt.' They took garments, gold, silver. They just gave it to them. That is how the Jews got involved in the shmatah business.
(12:39) The Jews leave with the matzot, because they couldn't make bread. They didn't have time. The Egyptians made them hurry out. Which is also why the Feinblum's Bar Mitzvah kiddush this week is going to be a bit dry on the baked goods. They don't put time into their baking...
You don't make Matzah on a regular week day. You make decent bread, with sesames. You make Matzah for Pesach, because the cleaning takes too long to have time for decent cooking....
The Jews were in Israel for 430 years. Finally we get out. Do you know what slavery is? Sitting there for so long, trying to watch a Bar Mitzvah boy put on Tefillin, and then to have to hear this untranslated Aramaic for 8 hours...
(12:42) 'A night of guarding for H' who took you out of Egypt.' That is Pesach. Shimurim is not just guarding, but it also means yeast (Shmarim). Our Guardian is also behind the catalyst. We see the enzymes working in our lives, but we take for granted that we are the ones doing it. Come up here Shawn...
The kid is tiny, couldn't guard himself. It is H,' Shawn, that guards you. H' will help your Tefillin stay up on those arms of yours...We all have friends...
(12:43-50) Only Jews can eat it. There are certain things that only you can eat Shawn. The Pascal Lamb. Embrace it. That is your lobster.
That is what I say to non-kosher food and all of my friends who are not eating kosher...I can eat the Pascal Lamb.
(12:51) It was on this day that H' brought us out of Egypt. On this day. Pesach. That is the day Shawn. It is on this day, that you are a man, and we are going to help you escape the confines of your family. We will bring you out of the family that doesn't prepare. A grandfather that doesn't prepare a Siyum, a father that doesn't prepare you to keep up the Teffillin, a family that doesn't doesn't know how to bake anything fluffy...There is no such thing as a cracker cake, Frank. And Mrs. Feinblum, I understand it is the first time putting on Tefillin, but teach the kid with yarn or something. Give him a tape measure. You prepare for moments, so we don't have to wait.
If we would just finish the plagues of our congregation. I have been here for 430. A long time.