Mishpatim Excerpts

משפטים

Shabbat Shalom 

Kids are growing up wrong. In the weekly youth group quiz, the kid expected the leader to know the intricate laws of an animal that kills another animal. He didn't know the answer and the little girl came over to him afterwards and said, 'Please ask questions you know the answers to.' 

She didn't know the answer. Why did she not know it? Because the grade school teachers teach nothing in this town...Exactly, she's in public school...If he knew the answer, then he would not be running youth groups, Bernie...He even let her know that it is good to know you don't know. He turned his ignorance into a lesson. Which is what dumb people should do. The day school teachers don't use this method enough. And then he looked it up in the Parsha and told her that it is more complicated than what the Parsha said. Which is what today's sermon is about...

Maybe he should have focused on helping an animal under a load. But who here ever helps? I'll answer that. In this congregation, nobody helps. The sisterhood told me...

I was also asked to make an announcement. This isn't a sport. The weekly quiz doesn't need parents coming out and yelling at the leader because your child is losing the quiz. They are having fun. It was fun for the kids, until Brian, who never won a game in his life started competing...You are 42 years old. 

The youth leader told me to say that...

(23:5) 'When you see your enemies donkey crouching under its load, would you not help? You shall definitely help.' You help people. You help their animals. 

Would you not help? If it was Gena, the answer would be 'no.' She has helped nobody.

The problem is the bossing around, entitled generation. You would tell somebody to help, but to lift a hand. Nobody helped Karen or the sisterhood lift the cake...

I heard a kid order her mom to get her some Oreo's at kiddush last week. It was the same kid that yelled at her friend to help her, when her friend was stuck under a desk trying to move it....I understand that it is not a donkey, but there is a commandment to be helpful...

You people don't even get out of the way for me when you see me schlepping a huge load down the street. I am carrying the new Torah. It is huge. Hymie's friend was just standing there. Impossible to pass him...It was a nice Hachnasat Sefer Torah.

You move. That is the new law. You get out of the way for people when they have to pass...There was no seat for the Hagbah guy.

(23:21) You listen to the angel that is going to bring you to Israel. 'Don't rebel against him.'

The people who help you, are the ones you rebel against. The youth leader is there for you kids and you can't take a loss Brian?! You get out of the way, instead of starting a protest against the guy carrying the Torah. The one who is helping you, the angel of Gd, you don't rebel against. You don't rebel against your mother who is getting you an Oreo.

(23:22) If you heed his voice, H' tells us He will be the 'Enemy of our enemies, and the Persecutor of our persecutors.'

If you followed H's voice...Yes, that is the commandments Bernie.

H' is on our side if we listen to His messengers. But nobody listens to me. Your children expect...Start disciplining the kids. That is why your daughter always loses the quiz, Brian...

Called the guy fat. Yes, he is heavy, but you have no midos. No proper practice of commandments. A rebel for the sake of making himself look like a jerk...Stuff like 'he is fat.' The guy was ugly, but we say nothing. He is an enemy. He should be persecuted...You are jerks. Who sticks up for the weak and follows in H's ways against the enemy, who is mean. The enemy of the one decent man in this congregation who is overweight...Yes, that is why he is single Fran.

(23-24-25) Do not do like the people who inhabited Israel before us. 'Destroy their pillars. and serve H' your Gd and He will bless your food and water, and He will destroy illness from your midst.'

Their pillars are not just their idol worshiping stones. They are pillars of their society. Not helping. Selfishness. Getting in somebody's way when they are trying to move stuff. Not helping...Yes, it is worse than not helping, Bernie. You got in my way.

You are rebelling by not following the goodness of H.' You are not helping. You are the enemies. You have turned into the persecutor by not helping and expecting and doing everything for your children. Supporting them in their ragging on other children who arre the funny looking ones.

I am talking about Midot today.

It all started with the face swap event. Everybody looked like a fool. It is embarrassing to look like other people in this congregation...