Beshalach Excerpts
בשלח
Shabbat Shalom
Moshe asks H' what to do when Egyptians are chasing him. Doesn't know. H' tells him obviously, to raise his hands and the sea will split obvious answers. I am sick of taking your simple questions. Some things are obvious.
A guy has his zipper down. What do you do? You don't ask the rabbi to tell guy with zipper down to tell him. I am the guy who has to tell the guy? Be men. Be women. Be people....
Tell him you smell bad. You told me he smelled. Why is it that after I told him and he went over to you, that you then said, 'No. You smell good'? He even lifted his armpit in your face...You are all about complaints, but you do nothing about it.
(16:11-12) H' hears Israel's complaints about food and He lets them know that 'in the early evening you will eat meat and in the morning you will be satisfied with bread, and you will know that I am H'...'
You know Gd by eating meat later in the day and carbs in the morning. It is a simple diet. You don't get to knwo Gd by eating carbs at night.
This congregation is so out of shape. That is why nobody can help with the shul cleaning project. Pesach comes, who is going to clean your homes? You have to stop eating carbs at night...
This congregation is so out of shape. That is why nobody can help with the shul cleaning project. Pesach comes, who is going to clean your homes? You have to stop eating carbs at night...
They get a certain amount of the Manna. The food that H' gave them. They called it food, 'because they didn't know what it is.' That is how we name stuff. By description. That is why we are changing Frank's name to Fool. The Klomkwitz family name is going to be Overweight. Middle name of family will be Carbs at Night...New name of Anshei Emes uSefillah is going to be Doesn't Help With Anything & Complains When People Smell Bad. Or We Ask Our Rabbi to Do Everything.
(16:15-19) They were supposed to take the correct portions based on what they needed. And like sacrifices, they weren't to be left until the morning. That was 'the thing.' The thing was that stufff spoils overnight... Do you even know what it is like with no fridge?
(16:20) And they didn't listen and they left it till morning. And it became infested with worms and it stank.
'The thing' is trust. You don't trust that what you think is wrong in this congregation...You complain to me about the bad smelling people with zippers down, but then you make me look bad. There is no trust here. I lose my trust in you, because you do everything wrong...
(16:22-27) A double portion was given on the sixth day.
You prepare for the Shabbis. 'Bake what you wish to bake and cook what you wish to cook, and anything leftover you will put away for yourselves to guard it till morning.' Moshe is telling them that you eat on Friday night and don't worry about Shabbat day. The meals can't be weak on Friday night. Trust that all will be good on Shabbat day. Enjoy the Friday night.
They eat it on Shabbat. Both the sixth and seven days. There was the double portion given on Friday. And yet, the fools went out to to gather on the seventh day, Shabbat.
(16:28) So, H' has to reprimand Moshe again, because of this not trusting that the Manna will lest for the seventh day too. 'Until when will you refuse to guard My commandments and Torah.'
Until when will you embarrass people and be weak?
Until when will you refuse to go over to people and tell them their zipper is down?
(16:33-35) They took an Omer of the Manna as a 'safekeeping' for future generations. Aharon put it in a jar as a safekeeping and placed it in front of the Ark.
We keep meaningful stuff. This is what the Jews ate in the desert for 40 years. It was meaningful. We are going to keep the smell of Chaim in a jar, so that you will always remember what it is like when you don't tell people they smell bad.
(16:26) 'The Omer is a tenth of an Ephah.' H' was exact in His baking measurements. It wasn't the meat that was exact, but the Manna, which tasted like a fried honey cake (16:31). If it is a cake you don't know, might as well get a bissel fry on it....You have to be exact when you back. You can't lie to the yeast.
We have to be honest with each other, so that we can trust eachother. For this reason, the Kimkowitz family is not to bake again. Their math is so off...We are going to keep Mrs. Kimkowitz's sponge cake in a bottle...
Because none of you will ever tell her how dry it is Bernie. You guys never remind each other how messed up stuff is here. They still think it was a sponge substance.
You all hid from the truth when the smell of Minha came right back to you. You can't be straight. Like Paroh, you say something and then take it back.
The question we must ask ourselves - What am I putting in my jar? I hope it is not Mrs. Kimkowitz.