Ki Tavo excerpts

כי תבוא

Shabbat Shalom

When we bring the tithes and use the tithes correctly, we are then told to say that we did it. We cannot take credit for what we did not do, like the president and gabbai of this congregation.

Tithes teach us that there is a use

We cannot just use what we want for whatever purpose we want. Mr. Fishberg had a picnic the other day, so he decided to take the shule's chairs...Everything has a purpose and a place, even Mickey, who every parent thought would never make it in this world. Now Mickey is off drugs and...Stand up for us Mickey. What are you now doing with your time?...that was a bad example...Everybody has potential. 

As we learn in Pirkei Avoth 'Everything has a place and every person has their time'...we do not know when Mickey's time will be. But we do know that the shule's chairs belong in the shule. 

26:13 continues as to what you say after you say how you enacted the tithes correctly- 'I have not transgressed your מצות/commandments and I have not forgotten.'

Beautiful and poetic. How many of you here can say that?...Lets talk about the transgressions of this congregation...

Even if you took tithes, you wouldn't be able to make the statement that goes along with it. Because you are sinners (great place to make the congregation feel like they have no chance at repenting before Rosh Hashana)...Rosh Hashana is coming up. Lets talk about the ladies first. Mrs. Grossman, how many times did you kick your husband out of the house this year?...Mr. Grossman maybe start being a better...

Tithes represent the whole Torah, as they represent our thanks to Gd and appreciation for what He has given us. I have a feeling Mr. Fishberg does not appreciate that the chairs belong to the shule...They are the shule's chairs. That is why it says 'Donated by Dr. Goldfarb.' They were not donated because you had a fish that passed away in your pond. 

26:15- And when we fulfill the commandments and are able to state that we gave the tithes and appreciate what H' has given and fulfilled His will, we can then say 'Look down from the heavens and bless your nation, and the land you gave us, as you swore to our forefathers...' for we have not stolen the chairs from the shule...

How can we expect H' to remember for us, when we have forgotten? That is why we make the statement that 'I have not transgressed your Mitzvot and I have not forgotten.' I don't know how many of you have forgotten or how many of you are just not smart. But let me go through some of the Mitzvot...must keep Shabbat- that means not going to work, unless you are a rabbi....must keep kosher- that means even if you are stuck eating your wife's food all the time Mr. Grossman- because you should be grateful, and you have not done anything of use...must treat your parents with respect- which means you should make something of your life, Mickey...

***These are excerpts from the sermon. For the sermon in its entirety, come see David Kilimnick perform at the Off The Wall Comedy Basement, in downtown Jerusalem.

David also tours as a Maggid with very few stories, if you invite him.

Shabbat Shalom uMvorach