VZot HaBracha Excerpts

וזאת הברכה

Simchat Torah Shalom

I still cannot understand a word in this Parsha. I am not sure if it is Hebrew. Was Moshe making up his own language at this point of the blessings?...Not a discussion for now, Bernie...I know the Baal Koreh (reader) messed up a lot. And it is a shame I have to give this sermon on Simchat Torah. But how can we have joy for the Torah, when the Baal Koreh can't the fifth section down correctly? Not once. He read it 30 times...

Thank Gd for the English translation... 

I don't understand the English translation eithere. I believe it is harder to understand than Hebrew...

They used the word 'myriad' to explain the only word in the Parsha I understood. Could have said 'thousands.' That makes sense to English speakers. They should have a non-pre-Shakespearean English translation. One we could all understand....But that is not what SImchat Torah is about. We celebrate the Torah today. We do not try to understand it. Which is why we do not dampen the joy with classes on Torah.

(33:18) Zevulun gets blessed for his going out. Issachar for sitting in the tent. 

We see this is Issachar learning. Zevulun goes out. He is blessed for working. Not everybody learns. We know that from the fifth grade class at Topeka Hebrew Day School. Not everybody works. We know this, as the Feinsteins have still not paid their dues...There are those that do neither, such as the fifth grade class at Topeka Hebrew Day School, and the Feinsteins who never learned about the mitzvah of having guests...Has anybody in this shule opened up this Torah?...Not again today. Mike said he worked out this year. He could barely lift the Torah. Almost dropped it. Because he hasn't worked on his right arm at all...we will let you lift for Bereishit, as that is the left arm...

We all have strengths. I understand that Mindy has not found hers yet. Mike's right hand is not his. Learning Torah and keeping H's commandments is not something of this congregation. But on this holiday of Simchat Torah...

(33:20-21) Gad is blessed to use the strength and willingness to fight, to carry out H's laws.

Have you used anything you were blessed with, for positive?

Michael was born with a love of people. He used smile. Since he embarrassed himself with the no strength in the right hand lift, he has moping around the shule. The whole shule is still in shock.   

Shira uses makeup. How much red lipstick do you need...(she cried, and the makeup ran)

Dr. Friedstein has a great talent for pouring. What about pouring dry drinks, so that half of the congregation is not running into the bathroom throughout the hakafot. Maybe next year, purchase a nice single malt, instead of mixing for people...It is just cheap. We know you have to mix it all with orange drink, because it is the cheap stuff...the same reason the thermomemeter on the building fund is still showing very sick. Deathly sick...

I wasn't supposed to talk. But it is necessary.

The commentaries seem to say that it was because Gad was on the boarder and protected Israel. I don't know what any of the stuff means. But I do know that Simon Gurberg has not lived up to any of the potential he was blessed with.

Shira was great at art in the first grade. She had so much talent. Gd grants us talents based on what we can do with them. Like Gad who was blessed with strength, to protect, Shira could have done so much with paper-mache. Her smocks were the nicest smocks. Her dad spends a lot of money on shirts that are too big...Yes Harry, you overspend on shirts. The shule has a building fund thermometer...

***These are excerpts from the sermon. For the sermon in its entirety, come see David Kilimnick perform at the Off The Wall Comedy Basement, in downtown Jerusalem.
David also tours as a Maggid around the world, with very few stories.

Shabbat Shalom