Chayei Sarah Excerpts

חיי שרה

Shabbat Shalom

All about the money. Just like the shule board. Always talking about money. No spirituality....'We need money to run a congregation.' What about a congregation of the heart? And the Shlazingers still haven't paid their dues...

(24:30) Lot saw the ring and the bracelets. 'Let them in...(24:31) We can house you now, that I have seen you have wealth.'

Kind of like the time when Schottenstein visited. Every single person was so happy to house him. You all wanted him to publish your books...But you never let in the Shlazingers. Just because they never bring a cake or wine when they come over for dinner... 

(24:33-34) Eliezer continues with Yitzchak's inheritance, because that is what people want out of a shidduch (a potential match). That is what they want to hear. Nobody wants to hear about your past as a long distance swimmer, Bernie...That was 80 years ago. There were no other athletes...

These people are all thinking about their pension plans. What about your children?...

Who is going to pay for the wedding? Maybe that should have been asked before your son married the Shlazinger's daughter...Apparently they expected the shule board to pay for it...What about my salary?

The jewelry is what gets people to listen...Mrs. Goldenbaum is very loud. It is raining outside. No sun. And I am getting blinded by the reflection of drops.

You have to speak to people. Money is the way. This congregation needs money, as nobody on the board has paid their dues...You put money where your heart is...Cheryl Shlazinger does not love Michael. They have given nothing to the wedding...

But there is nothing to thank the board for.

But who does Eliezer thank? Even at the end? He bows to H' (24:52, 48 and even before in the Parsha)

Yes. He mentions Chesed vEmet to Lavan and Betuel. Lavan being the annoying son, who takes charge. thinks he is the head of the house, all gangster. All excited about his bling he is getting from Eliezer, like Michael. The little gangster...You're not seeing it for long. You guys are paying back the shule for the wedding...If the board would have just invested correctly.

Chesed vEmet- Kindness in truth. The same language used when burying. Chesed Emet...

He pleads with people, but the thank you is to Gd...

And again, Nothing the board has ever done has given me a reason to stay. My Tallis is without any shiny עטרה crown. No bling on the thing...

***These are excerpts from the sermon. For the sermon in its entirety, come see David Kilimnick perform at the Off The Wall Comedy Basement, in downtown Jerusalem.
David also tours as a Maggid around the world, with very few stories.

Shabbat Shalom