VaYeirah Excerpts

וירא

Shabbat Shalom

A lot of destruction. Sedom is destroyed. Kind of like the chapel in our shule. The children's services...Is that a service or a pew obstacle course?...

Avraham bargains Gd down to 10 צדיקים righteous people, to save Sedom. Apparently that is not found. Then again, this shule can't get a minyan during the week...

 

(20:11) Explaining to Avimelech, why he called Sarah his sister, Avraham says, ‘Only because there is no fear of Gd in this place. And they will kill me on this thing that she is my wife.’

The sister calling is a theme by Avraham. 'HaAchot Sheli'

My sister is Jewish slang for another Jew. That is how our people connect. Listen to Bernie next time he talks about Fran. 'She is my sister,' he will say. And they are siblings...

 

Many husbands complain about their wives. Listen to Mr. Goldberg talk at kiddush...Never seen so many people not want to take a shot with somebody. It is too much complaining.

The whole, ‘This isn’t my wife’ joke must stop in this congregation. There is too much craziness going around.

Hymie always says that is not his wife. It has scared away many young ladies from this congregation.

 

When there is no fear of Gd, sex comes first. There is perversion. The only goal is sex...when sex is the only goal, there is perversion and a whole community of little kids running around, destroying a beautiful chapel and ark cover. The Friedmans did not donate a bouncy wall...That is an ark. There is a Torah in there. Yes. Mrs. Kivel. We are kid friendly. But we are not childproof...There are too many of them running around. Walking would be fine...No. That is not your sister. That is your daughter. You are a dad. You have to watch over the little thing.

There are teenage problems in our community.

Lot’s daughters. They get him drunk...We've seen the Feigenbaum family....

Know who is your daughter. We do not need the daughters of Lot happening around here. That is disgusting and it is not a way to perpetuate...Wrong or not at that time. It is weird. Just wrong. Even back 4,000 years ago, there were things that were wrong. That is one of them...I understand there is a problem with shidduchim.

When was the last time you did not make a single person feel like an idiot for coming to shule?...No singles in Topeka??? They move to New York? Because you people are annoying. And yes Hymie. You are 89 years old. Nobody wants to hear you are single...

 

(19:26) Lots wife looks back, after she is told not to, and she turns into a pillar of salt. Rashi mentions a sin with salt. Seems like divine retribution. Salt is used for sin in this community as well. There is never enough salt in the choolant. You people keep on looking at the past. We keep looking back to those days when there decent cooking in this community.

Let us pray like Avraham, for the future, for birth (20:17)...normal families.

***These are excerpts from the sermon. For the sermon in its entirety, come see David Kilimnick perform at the Off The Wall Comedy Basement, in downtown Jerusalem.
David also tours as a Maggid around the world, with very few stories.

Shabbat Shalom