Sermons of Rebuke

We talk about the different kinds of Tzarat, and then we finish talking about them. We don't go on like Bernie about the shule picnic that didn't work out 3 years ago...Because you get passed it and you forget about the softball game. There were only five people on each side...out of the infield was a homerun. We should have played ultimate...

(14:57) 'To rule on which day it is contaminated and on which day it is pure.' We don't just wake up and decide how our day is going to go. We take it in for what it is. We work with what we have. Don't ask me why the Stella D'oro cookies were decorated last week. You just put that out for kiddush and let everybody know who the sponsor is, that couldn't purchase some cheesecake or choolant. 

Rahsi says, 'On which day to call him not pure, and on which day to call him pure'...You don't just call people names. You have to first have proof. Once you have the proof, you can call the guy the Lashon Hara man. 

I heard that the kids were calling Michael 'smeller face' in school this week. That hurts. It should be more precise. His face does not smell. It is his body.

We must notice contamination, when it is there. Mrs. Froygman has been talking nonstop on the women's side, for years. The Joyc family has slowed down the page announcing, because they never listen the first time...Not reading Hebrew is forgivable; nobody understands the prayers anyways. But not reading numbers...Michael smells bad. 

Quaranteening must be brought back. We did not notice when we had the rat infestation in the shule. The janitor did, but he said nothing. We have to notice when things are not right.

Out of the infield maybe should have been a ground-rule double. Nobody made any decisions. And the game should have been called off when the ball hit the BBQ...It was right next to first base.

But there are times when we allow people back into the congregation. When they are pure. And we have to call that day. We must celebrate the day Michael showers. The day the Froygmans come to shule with the Mrs. The day the Joyc family is educated...I will repeat the Dvar Torah for you later.

***These are excerpts from the sermon. For the sermon in its entirety, come see David Kilimnick perform at the Off The Wall Comedy Basement, in downtown Jerusalem. David also tours as a Maggid around the world, with very few stories.
Shabbat Shalom