Bahalotcha Excerpts

בהעלותך

Shabbat Shalom

Talking about the camps and the order they traveled, the flag of Dan was in the back, the last camp to travel. (10:25) 'The rearguard of all the camps.' They did something in the back. I look at the back of the shule and I am baffled. It is pathetic...I feel like if anything were to happen in the back of the shule, there would be a bunch of crying. There is no guarding coming from the back. Definitely the least knowledgeable and you bring nothing...

The people in the back of the shule, what are you protecting us from? You are protecting us from praying that is about it. With all the talking going on in the back corner over there....

We have to bring in a security guard. What are you going to do if anything happens Frank? Talk to the attacker about how they are offending your feelings? Ask them about their day? Why they have so much rage? how does a degree fromsocial work school help here? I am offended by your feelings. Your feelings offend me Frank. As a Jew who cares about this shule...Then pay your dues. You send your kids to summer camp Frank....Color War is not the same thing when the shule is going into foreclosure. What rear are you holding up at summer camp?...No. The camp of Dan did not show up late Bernie. They were the last camp to travel. When you are in the back, you have a task too. You watch over the others...That was their spot. Their task. I know Ben likes his spot, in the back of shule, when he shows up with three minutes left in services...

First is worst last is best, middle is the one with the hairy chest. We have all heard about the kids sitting in the tree. Words hurt. Even if it is the kids sitting in the back of class, last can be best; if they are not talking all the time, if they are people who can protect the others...

You still praise Iguodala for what he does for the Golden State Warriors. Coming off the bench, they do something.  When you get an Aliyah, coming off the pews, the people who know so little, that all you can do is read a transliterated sentence you learned at your Bar Mitzvah...Dan was praisworthy, holding up the back...

Yitro joins Israel, but with some push. He questions as (10:30) he wants to return to his own land. He was connected to he was, his community. Unlike the back left section...You joined the congregation because Anshei HaNitzrah told you to leave. 

Ramban teaches that Yitro wanted to know he would have a piece of land. He had aspirations Frank...

All you people in the back row have no identity. Forget about the land. Jethro joined Israel, you can't even read Hebrew

What identity do you people have? Do you even know what the words (10:35-36) 'VaYehi BNsoah HaAron...' means? No.

When the ark journeyed.... When Dan took up the back.

***These are excerpts from the sermon. For the sermon in its entirety, come see David Kilimnick perform at the Off The Wall Comedy Basement, in downtown Jerusalem.

David also tours as a Maggid around the world, with very few stories.

Shabbat Shalom