Korach Excerpts

קרח

Shabbat Shalom

Blame. Everybody loves to blame. Oh, how easy it is to blame the rabbi. Just like Korach, you blame the rabbi for there not being services last night. Just because he didn't show up...Oh. That is his job, you say. Lets talk about all the fiascoes you blame the rabbi for. Fiasco, and then blame the rabbi. That is the equation...the day school falling fiasco. As if the rabbi built it?...Well yes Bernie, it saved the school $200,000. There is no reason why the trailer style classrooms should have....

How did they deal with Korach? We are not going to ask for people to die here. But we will ask for you to give money to the rabbi's fund...

Yes, there are other people who want to lead the congregation. The Michaelsons want to run the new Kligman branch's fuse-ball table. The youth center is not up for grabs in this shul. The Kustanowitzs want to run the catering...

Do they really have the ability to run the Kiddush? The sisterhood runs it. They have been chosen...There was a vote taken by the sisterhood...Yes, they voted they should run it Dr. Kustanowitz.

(17:17-20) Take a staff from each tribe, and the tribe who’s staff sprouts, is the chosen one. And thus the complaints will  Andstop. That is what they did. The complaints must stop. 

We will take a cake from each member of the shule. The one that I like the best will be the one who has the right to run Kiddush. And they say the rabbi does not give to the congregation. The decenters. And you complain. But how much money has the rabbi saved the synagogue since we started purchasing our cakes at BJ's Wholesale Club...It is a club Bernie. No, you are not allowed to join.

Just because you are old, Bernie, does not give you the right to take other people’s stuff. Your cake will be in the competition too. I cannot promise I will eat your dry sponge cake, but the truth must come out in this congregation...

(17:23) Ahron’s grows almonds on it. A staff with almonds. Does it get better? No.

You also blame me for the coatroom fiasco. We shall put an end to it all. The cakes that are not eaten will get swallowed up by the earth... 

Does it have to come to this? Yes. We are going to take a hat from each person, and place it in the coat room. This way, everybody will be able to find their hat that was stolen.

(17:25) and that staff was kept before the Testimony. This stops future complaints about who the leader is. We are going to place the winning cake, as a monument, in the shule freezer, next to all the leftovers, so that we will always be reminded why they are the ones who put kiddush together here...If you want to join the sisterhood, you may complain there. They do that already... 

Sometimes we have to remember the past. The cookoff will never take place again, and I will never eat in the Shwarzmer house. Disgusting food...But may we never forget, somebody did not show up to make a minyan last night. Services did not take place, and there is still a hat missing from the coatroom....you still point your fingers at the rabbi. How easy it is to look to the leader. And Korach and his followers died...

Shame.

***These are excerpts from the sermon. For the sermon in its entirety, come see David Kilimnick perform at the Off The Wall Comedy Basement, in downtown Jerusalem.

David also tours as a Maggid around the world, with very few stories.

Shabbat Shalom