Pinchas Excerpts

פינחס

Shabbat Shalom

(28:8) And the second lamb was brought in the afternoon…And we can’t even get a minyan. We can’t even get a quorum to show up in the afternoon. You heretics show up in the morning, for davening…

And when are we told this? Right after the new leader is anointed in front of all the people…Yes, there is a lesson here Bernie. Asides from a leader, we have to do our part. We have to have our daily services.

It could have just went on about how great the leaders were. Like this shule, where you have a foundation stone as your leader. A pillar of the community. But you cannot depend on your rabbi for everything…

Nowadays, we can’t depend on the Cohanim, to do the services for us. The guy shows up late, even on Yom Kippur, the guy shows up at noon. Leviim are pouring an empty cup of water. No hands to clean. You ask yourself, why are there Leviim? The Levitans are great people, but why do they even come to shule?...

Pathetic. We have to say ‘Kein Yehi Ratzon’ (may it be His will) to the cantor’s Cohanic blessing. The guy is an Israelite. He is not even fit…He ran out of breath before the word ‘Shalom.’ And Frank’s section didn’t even get up to resuscitate the cantor.

A bunch of doctors sitting there. And when it comes to helping, serving the congregation, they are saying, ‘Just let them die.’…That is where the congregation is…

(28:9) And then on Shabbis, we bring two lambs…Yes, Bernie. Every day. There is no break from serving H.’ From your connection with H.’ This is not your marriage. You don’t get to neglect H.’ We are not talking about Mrs. Goldstone’s hair…If it is a shaytel (wig), send it to the cleaners.

(28:11) Rosh Chodesh too…When you are celebrating, you still serve H.’ Yes every day. Even though you don’t show up to shule…How do you celebrate? Through praise? No. You celebrate at the bowling alley. Every party for you is a 1980s children’s birthday party. You pull out your Carvel ice cream cake…No. We celebrate through service. We are having a good time, we get a minyan going. That is why every wedding in the religious community is a call for a Mincha and Maariv (afternoon and evening prayer)…That is why we show up. You don’t stuff your face at the smorgasbord, Brian…It was an embarrassment to see you stuffing your face, when you could be enjoying yourself, praying to H.’…in shule, with prayer and Kiddush. That is how we celebrate. A decent choolante.

Even in death, we serve H.’ And that is why we are looking for a new cantor. If anybody knows a chazzan.