Nitzavim Exerpts

נצבים

Shabbat Shalom

Everybody is part of the covenant. '...even those not here today.' 

(deep breath of disappointment overtakes the rabbi) Mrs. Silverman hasn't been to shule in a year. Maybe it is better we speak about this before they show up fro the Hi-Holidays...

From wood cutters to water drawers. Should the water drawers have been included? I would not have included the Topeka Water Works people. Those people have been overcharging for years. I also would have left out the Feibloom family...

We would think there are people to leave out. And we are correct. But there is a community and we include everybody, as long as they pay dues...Mrs. Silverman pays her dues and shows up for Yom Kippur. Nobody complains about them Bernie.

The Feinbloom family has not paid dues...

(30:2-5) When we return to H,' He will hear our voice and bring us back to the land of our Forefathers. 'If you are spread to the corners of the heavens, from there, He will gather you.' I know, Topeka is far out of the way. I had to go to Saint Louis the other week, for a brisket. Even butchers don't come out here...butchers are between wood cutters and water drawers.

What is our voice here in Topeka saying? 'May there be a sale at Marshall's?'...'May we merit to have an extra three days of paid vacation this year?'...'May Chaim Feinbloom not be so loud?'....

Maybe we are praying for the wrong things. We should be praying to get out of Topeka...

Everybody outside of Topeka is goign back to Israel. H' has gathered the Jews.

Did we not return to H'? The Shwarzman's haven't returned to Topeka, because Bernie doesn't stop telling the same joke...They can't hear the on about the fishermen anymore...There are no water drawers in our community. That is the problem here. We have cut off the water drawers from our community....We accept the thieves of the Water Works.

(30:6) Why bring us to Israel? Why the love of H'? 'For your Life.'

For us. So we do not have to deal with Bernie and the Feinblooms...We hope you enjoy the Kiddush every week, Dr. Feinbloom.

We need to bring back the water drawer people. They are a good people.

***These are excerpts from the sermon. For the sermon in its entirety, come see David Kilimnick perform at the Off The Wall Comedy Basement, in downtown Jerusalem.
David also tours as a Maggid with very few stories, and is booking his America tour as a Comic-in-Residence for October.

Shabbat Shalom