RAMBAM: How Do I Wear Tefillin- Tefillin, Mezuzot & Sefer Torah (4)

Tefillin gets placed on the forehead, in the correct spot. It is the head tefillin. It does not belong on your lap.

The ones on the hand get placed on the apple of the arm, against the heart- as it says (Devarim 6:6) ‘On the heart.’ I am guessing apple means the bicep. They used to call muscles by fruit back in the day. The forearms were called the gourd. Abs were known as berries, and the legs were known as quince. No idea why quince was used. Must have had something to do with the 'q,' which is always exciting to use. Gourd also through me for a loop.

You have to place them correctly. If done with the hand Tefillin on the hand itself then you are a heretic, you Karite who is probably taking everything I say literally. You are also not supposed to attach an apple to your arm. You have to spell it out for the Karites.

4:4-9- The hand and arm Tefillin are two separate mitzvoth. However, according to the Rambam, they can both be fulfilled with one blessing. For all the blessings and stuff, look in your siddur. Again, I have to tell you to look at your siddur?! It is shameful that you cannot figure this out yet. Where? you ask? The beginning. You put them on at the beginning of davening. 

Every time you take them off and put them on, you say the blessing again. It is not a competition for how many times you have to go to the bathroom.

You make blessings before you do the act, so learn how to place the Teffilin. This isn't one of those learn as you go, 'Please help me figure out how to put the tefillin on, because I like to make a lot of brachot and like to have a lot of hefseks (not necessary stops) between the blessings and the action.' It is not conversation time. There is a reason you are not supposed to be an Am HaAretz.

You are not supposed to pass over a mitzvah. Being that you put on the hand Teffilin first, you should place them where your hand is going to pull them out first from the bag, without passing over the head Teffilin. We all love grab bags. They are fun. You never know what you are going to get. However, are grab bags fun when you are a heretic?

You treat the Teffilin right. You don’t do mundane things in them. Mundane means not spiritual. Another meaning is not interesting or dull. So, you should probably stay away from any conversation or anything you find exciting. Baseball is not a sport you play in Tefillin, even if it would have been cool to see that in 'The Chosen.' You also don’t hang them by the straps. You don't hang out in them. You don't hang them on a coat rack either. The real reason for that, is because Bernie, who always takes my coat, will probably end up taking your Tefillin, because they look like his. Next thing you know, you are in the airport, with no suitcase, and you were to mundane to realize that you put your Tefillin in your carry-on.

4:10-26- You put them on in the daytime. That is when the Mitzvah is. You can't have them on at night. Ever tried sleeping in Tefillin? If you do, you will see what I mean. First you will be sinning, and then you will realize you cannot find any good position. If they are on in the evening, and you cannot get them off, because there is no place to put them, you try to cover them, so that people don’t see. You don’t want to be the ma’arat ayin (one who makes people think things are right that are not) person. Sometimes it is good to cover your whole self, so that people don't see. You don't want be the person who brings down everybody's day. You having one of those down days? Put on a hoodie. Don't bring down everybody else, just because your Tefillin didn't fit right.

You don’t put them on on Shabbat and holidays, as those are also ‘signs.’ All little Jewish advertisements we do. We get out there and advertise H,' and people hate us.

People have to be ready for Tefillin. So somebody who is exempt from Kriyat Shema is also exempt from Tefillin. It is a big step. Got to prepare. You don't just put a pen in a toddler's hand. The toddler has to first learn how to read and write. Once the toddler can write, you give them a pen. Maybe a pencil. Crayons are probably safer. They might eat those too. Don't give them a knife. Those are dangerous. The problem is that are toddlers are not educated enough. You cannot be remiss. Therefore there are many times where somebody should not have them on their Tefillin, or leave a baby with a pen. For this reason, a person should move them a little when they are on, to remind them, and to not forget. Point is that they are holy. This is why we are not into the new cushioned Teffilin. They were too comfortable. The leather hard kind are the ones. It is best if the gauge into the forehead a bit.

You need a clean body to use them. You don’t sleep in them or have a meal in them. A little bite can be OK. How big is the cake? Do you go for some coffee too? This isn't time for buffet. We are davening and learning here.

Bathroom usage. You do not bring them into the bathroom. You place them a good two meters away. Even a not real bathroom, place them correctly and watch out for the splashing. You can't trust the new toilets. Some urinals have angles that get you. Too much surprise going on. You should have off the Tefillin in the bathroom. Surprised we have to tell you this. If on in a bathroom, you cover them and take them off the first chance possible, then go back to the bathroom.

In bed with your wife, you take them off after you wash your hands. They shouldn’t be there in the first place. Do we need a whole list for the sinners. How about not having them on when standing and eating falafel, while you are throwing on the enormous amount of Tehina. We are not selling edible Teffilin.

Bath houses, you can have them on in the outer area.

You don’t wear them at graveyard or near the dead. You are one of those people who rubs in the whole Tzitzit thing too, to the dead. Let it be. 

A house that has Tefillin or a sefer Torah needs an outer separation. There has to be at least the cover of the object and then another cover which is a separator which has nothing to do with covering the object. Get another house. If you can afford the Torah, you should at least be able to purchase adjoining rooms.

Again, Tefillin are very holy and should be worn all day. But you have to stay away from bad thoughts and only think and talk good stuff. Which is why no American child should be wearing them all day. The main time is during the Shema, as not wearing them during the Shema is like bringing testimony on yourself that you are not fulfilling the mitzvoth of Tefillin. The Shema is all about Tefillin. Then why not wear them at night? Because that is not the time to wear Tefillin. Now you are a Chacham.