RAMBAM: Mezuzot Placement & Order- Tefillin, Mezuzot & Sefer Torah (5)

You write mezuzot. You do not print them. This isn't a mass produced thing, like the art that I picked up in Tzfat last week. It isn't print 185/2,800. We are not trying to pull the wool over the eyes of H.' And you can't make Mezuzot out of wool anyways.

The order of writing: Shema first, then the VeHaya paragraph, on one page. Shem has to come before VeHaya. You need to follow the pattern for it to be kosher. This isn't a pick your own story book, where you get to chose the next sentence. They are fun, but they are forbidden. You don't post books on your doorposts. That is not a commandment. You have to follow the laws for it to be kosher. We would all like for a little virtual mezuzah, that is fun. But it is not the law, and you can't eat it.

Write it correctly. You can’t just cut it out of a Torah or Tefiillin. You have to write it for itself. Respect your doorpost.

You add in H’s name on the outside. That is a tradition. But do not put it on the inside, you idiot.That is already messing with the writing of the mezuzah. Apikorsus. 

And get the lines right. Don't use my nephew to do the lines for you. The kid can't even trace a 'B.'

You put it in the door or in something you put on the door. You do not place it near the door. 'Lets call the wind-chime a doorpost.' Lets not call it a doorpost. Lets call it something that wakes me up in the middle of the night. You do not start with a whole pulley system or something where you connect it to things to connect to the door.

You also say a Bracha when connecting it to the door. You don't say a blessing when connecting it to the wind-chime. Gd would not command us to do something that wakes everybody up, every day of their lives, in the middle of the night.

You check a private mezuzah twice every seven years and you check a public mezuzah twice every 50 years. Which is why I consider my home public property. The landlord also does. Which is why I have to change the lock.

Unlike Tefillin, everybody is required in mezuzah, including women and slaves. Sometimes, you even post the slaves ear to the doorpost, which gives them that extra level of connection.

For thirty days, renting outside of Israel, you do not need a mezuzah. In Israel, you need one right away. If it is an Inn in Israel, then it can also hold off for thirty days. We know how Jews in Israel like to occupy. Are they really just visiting the hotel? Staying for more than 30 days. We know what you are doing there.

The renter has to put on the mezuzah. When they leave, they have to leave the mezuzah, if a Jew is moving in. If a non-Jew is moving in, they take it off. Non-Jews again, getting the bad end of the deal. Jews also end up taking the couch with them when non-Jews move in.