Ekev Excerpts

עקב

Shabbat Shalom

You stomp on Mitzvahs. I saw the rebbe cards in the hallway, all crumpled. Same thing. You are stomping on Torah. Torah leaders. You don't flip them, Chaim. They are not baseball cards. You see them on the floor and you just stomp all over them. Creases all over the things. They aren't even cards. They are just balls. Devalued balls.

I feel like I have to throw down the Torah right now...So you get the point Bernie. You think the Jews would have listened if Moshe didn't break the tablets

(10:12) Fear H,' that is all H' asks of you. Apparently, H' doesn't know you the way I do. How many times have I asked the congregants to park between the lines...Mrs. Swatsteins might as well place her car at the entrance to the lot. It is not even an angled park...It is a parking lot. You do not have to parallel park in...

Rashi, quoting Brachot- the rabbis learn from here that all is in H's hands, except for fear of H.' Which means that parking is part of our fear of H.' Helping out in shule is part of fear of H.' As is the way our new chazan leads the services...It has added to my fear. The only thing that is not is Torah and Rebbe cards.

And for this we are asked to love and serve H' with all of our heart...

(10:16) Cicumcise your heart...No. We do not a need a mohel for this Bernie. It is to say, to cut off. Not like your son, who is not going to receive anything once you die. The end of the Pasuk explains it, when it says, 'Do not stiffen your neck anymore.' It is your spiritual heart which is of a stiff neck...Exactly. To un-stiffen your neck, you circumcise your heart. 

You are all stiff necked people. It is as if you all slept on a non-tempered pillow. And it is for that, that you are not able to serve H,' and pick up a rebbe card. For that, you cannot park normally...Because you can't parallel park right with a stiff neck...

How can you love H' with all of your heart if you circumcise it? What kind of a question is that...Who else must you love?

(10:18) You shall love the stranger, because you were strangers in Egypt. It is much easier to love the stranger than congregants.

(10:20) 'Fear H,' him shall you serve...' You serve H.' You do not serve other people. You help. You do your part for the congregation. If you are the janitor, you do your job. In sense, you serve the congregation, because you are getting paid, and it is your job, and we need a clean shule.

Right after bringing up slavery of Egypt, it mentions this. If you love and fear H,' then you will love other people. You won't be stiff necked. You won't stomp on other people. You will pick up their pictures...

If you had better pillows and got better sleep, you would be on time to shule. You would serve H.' And that is why I bring to you the 613 Pillow. Only 613 made of these. 613 thread count. Check it out.

This is not a shule fundraiser. This is a business. In order to be a member of this congregation, you must buy this.

It is because H' did all of these wonders for us...We must keep the 613 mitzvot, by purchasing this pillow.

***These are excerpts from the sermon. For the sermon in its entirety, come see David Kilimnick perform at the Off The Wall Comedy Basement, in downtown Jerusalem.

David also tours as a Maggid around the world, with very few stories.

Shabbat Shalom