Ki Tavo Excerpts

כי תבא

Shabbat Shalom

The long punishment and curses are said in a low tone…Hymie has been cursing the congregation under his breath for years. He hates everybody. Right after you walk away, ‘That piece of…’

You can’t help the guy. He appreciates nothing…

But first, we must appreciate the curses.

We are now going through a list of things that make somebody cursed and you will respond, ‘Amen’ (27:15-26).

Cursed be anybody who makes a graven image…People who work in construction in this congregation…Very poor craftsmanship…The ceiling is still leaking. Marty build this roof like it is a Sukkah…

Cursed be one who degrades their parents. Michael has let his family down…

Cursed be the one who makes a blind person go astray. Very funny…This congregation has allowed people to join it, thinking there would be decent kiddishes…

Cursed be one who takes bribes…The Gabai in this shule is always asking for people to give money to the shule after they get an honor…Does he not call up Dr. Friedland more than anybody? Only because he pays his dues and gives donations to the shule. Wrong…Murry hasn’t paid his dues in years. We should call him to the Torah more. And then people bribing the synagogue for seats on Rosh Hashana…No more paying for seats on the High Holidays…

Cursed be those who do not follow the Torah…A cursed congregation we are…

Cursed be the one who has relationships of perversion…Perversion. That is what you did to the bus on the first day of school. Decorating it?! Graven…Poor craftsmenship…

Cursed be anybody who gives a Kiddush with no cheesecake…

(28:2) All the Brachot (blessings) shall come, ‘Because you have listened to the voice of H.”’ The voice that says to build a decent Sukkah. The voice that says to hire somebody who is not Jewish to build your roof.

(28:3-5) Blessed in the field and in the city and the fruits of your womb and your land, and the fruit of your animals…a lot of blessings. Even fruit baskets.

The Rosh Hashana fruit baskets were atrocious. An embarrassment. Did you get a deal at the supermarket?

Do Brachot even come here when the honey comes in the shape of a bear with a smile?...Cursed be the poor craftsmenchsp.

Brachot come when you appreciate what H’ does for you. H’ has given us the ability to curse, and Hymie appreciates that…