Miketz Excerpts

מקץ

Shabbat Shalom

(42:21-22) The brothers are tested and told to bring their other brother, Binyamin. All of the sudden they feel bad about the whole Yosef and say that they are guilty regarding him. Only when you spend a night in jail, do you all the sudden realize you are doing things wrong…I had to pick up Frank from county last night. Why? Because he talks during davening. Are you ever going to realize that you are doing things wrong, before it is too late?

The Yosef situation is the reason they are now having to bring Binyamin and having one of their brothers remaining imprisoned…Stop with the whole speeding story. You are not seeing the truth of the matter Frank…

Reuven says, ‘I told you…don’t sin with the kid and you didn’t listen. And now his blood is being avenged.’ Whose blood is being avenged hear? Is it the blood of the people who are trying to have כוונה (proper intent) with their prayers…They are not listening, Frank.

How many times have I told you what to do? How many times have you done what you wanted when…? How many times have you had to repurchase a kiddie pool for the garden area, because people are walking in it?

(42:25) With all of this, Yosef gives them provisions for the way.

And your Chanukah gifts sucked. Sorry for using that word. But the community gift swap. It said ‘up to $10.’ It didn’t say ‘Try to keep it under $5.’ Does somebody have to get cuffed in order for people to understand that the provisions are too few?...Why do we have the security guard for this synagogue if people are not going to provide for one another?

And you all get mad because I told you to bring a suitcase of kosher food to Finland. It was a very long trip. You can’t eat fish for a whole week. There is a reason Gd created Whacky Mac and salami.

(42:23) They didn’t know that Yosef heard them. Yosef cried…The only mistake ever made in this congregation, is the sisterhood always hears you. You can’t keep a secret from anybody.

But where was the sisterhood when Frank was speeding because he talks in shule? Where was the sisterhood, my brothers and sisters, when the children received their gifts from Five Below? Where was the sisterhood when our dear friend, Maxine, was stuck in Finland, having to eat salmon for two weeks?...Stop talking Frank, or security will have to come in.

In response to the sons coming back to Israel to bring Binyamin, Yakov says, (42:36) ‘Yosef is not, and Shimon is not’- Yakov feels like every time he sends out his children, he loses one of them. Shimon is still there, but he doesn’t see him and he knows he is gone. The reality is what people set in our minds. Frank is a drunken failure. I hate to say it. You got locked up. It was a school zone and he was going 35. Not safe. He is a not safe man. Sadie is not with kosher, Maxine is not with kosher…you expect us to believe you didn’t want to enjoy some of the rain deer…

Kind of like every time I lend you money, I never get it back. That is how it goes in this congregation. Will we ever see our dear Michael again? He doesn’t come to the shule, because he is stuck. That is what happens when your mother wants to be Gabai. Every time…Patterns.

(43:14) ‘And as I suffered, I shall suffer.’ Rashi says, ‘As I suffered for Yosef and Shimon, so to, I shall suffer for Binyamin.’ As I suffered with this congregation, so shall I suffer with this congregation.

Have we all not suffered this Chanukah. Even the gelt was without a Hashgacha. It was Finnish Chanukah Gelt. Thank you to Maxine.

Yakov finally gives in. After not wanting to send Binyamin, he notices that there is no way around it. The famine is too much. The needs of this congregation are too much. And that is why we must think about our children when we give Chanukah gifts of less than $5…

This is what happens when family doesn’t get along and lies to each other. We are all praying for Dan right now. We heard his flatmate got an invite to Dan’s nephew’s Bar Mitzvah. He opened up the mailbox and inside, addressed to Yoram. Dan got no invite. We hope your family saves you a spot…That is what happens when you do not get married. You are forgotten. Like Yosef who was forgotten by his brothers, may your family still keep kosher when they travel. May you not be abandoned because your siblings don’t like you, because that leads to jail.