VaYetze Excerpts

ויצא

Shabbat Shalom

Another love story...Not like the early marriage last year of the Goldstone & Bervman children...

Everybody would gather by the well to remove the rock off the well together, as a community. The next thing you know, Yaakov sees Rachel and removes the rock himself. (29:10) Rashi comments, like a man that removes a cork from a flask. Strength is what we are talking about.

Women are into strength Milten. They are not into all you people wasting time reading and going to college...

Go to the gym every once in a while. You people are so out of shape. Our custodian is 80 years old and he lifts more than you. Ben. You couldn't even lift the folding chairs after Yom Kippur...The siddur changing in this shule was pathetic. And you wonder why this synagogue has so many single people and divorcees...the most you stacked were 3 siddurim. Bernie was carrying 15 prayer books each trip. He is 98...

At Seudah Shelishit, Mr. Feigenberg showed his strength to the whole congregation by opening up a can of Coke. It is embarrassing...And you wonder why all of our children are single, in their 30s. They have no game.

The alpha can opener works computers at Staples....

They did not meet like you guys. Embarrassing. On line, at an internet cafe. You are all pathetic. Make something of yourselves. You definitely can't depend on a spouse for that...opening a tin can...The shule has not purchased bottles, for fear that they would go flat before somebody in this synagogue could open it...

(29:11) And then he kissed her and he cried.

How many men in this congregation are real men? It takes a real man to kiss a woman and then cry...He must have felt bad bad because when you are 40 and shomer negiah...never touching a woman...like Milten...we understand Milten...You cry because you are a man...We know the Bervman parents cried when their son, Juan, had to get married. Juan Bervman was not crying though...

We should all learn from Milten...Do not cry because you have to help out around the shule. You single pathetic 

siddur waiting can't stack a chair...

And if you do not have the strength, join with the community in making a minyan...

(Next Year- (29:15-Shelishi) We will be speaking about the lessons we can learn from Lavan and how family works for free and how nepotism has changed too much over the centuries)

***These are excerpts from the sermon. For the sermon in its entirety, come see David Kilimnick perform at the Off The Wall Comedy Basement, in downtown Jerusalem.

David also tours as a Maggid with very few stories, if you invite him.

Shabbat Shalom uMvorach